reality II

heh, what a day. what a day.
you think you have heard it all, till you hear its all over again. once i was barred for a week over some stupid juvenile shit. but hey, did the crime, payed the time.
there have been two kinds of people in my life. unfortunately both the types have judged me, its the way of the world. the difference is, one party's view i respect the other i abolish. them be the ones that have called me an addict, the others that have dared to think about it, but never utter it out loud. respect is something you have to give to get. i dislike a very few people in my life, but there is a finite domain, covering those category of people. its a domain that my venn diagram never intersects. so what happens to people there. no idea. its as if asking me if pluto is a planet. i don't care.
be nice. thats what people tell you to be, parents try to embed that into you cranium from the day you are born. but what they don't tell you is, there is a fine line, a very fine line, beyond which people take you for granted. the first time being nice back fired you don't remember, because that first experience threw you off. but since that day, you keep a record of what you give and of what you get in return. as the days go by, the ratio gets worse. its only when we hit puberty do we realize, that niceties should be kept for people who are deserving. i some how feel that i have a world of meanness to deliver for all the nicety. its never worth it. you think it is. you make yourself believe it is, but it aint. proof you get in due time. it all gets laid on you like a fat man buttering his toast. all greasy and repulsive. what do you do when you are not mean by nature, do you go out of your way. i think yes, i think it is logical, it is after all survival, and why should i sacrifice myself. the fact of the matter is, you are born alone, and you will die alone. the whole human gene, is wired to seek company. to seek people to share happiness with. suckers we are. man is a social fucking animal. true that. true that.
sigh.
why don we treat different people the same. why do we make exceptions. a chor is a chor if he/she is not related, but the same person becomes a victim when relations are involved. we are told that, we must make an effort to understand. all fucking charade. i will admit to being wrong about one thing, i thought people are different. but they are not, all of them are alike. all. no exceptions. not even me. same shit, different asshole. when this harsh reality hits you, its like the wind has been knocked out of you. you try to gasp air. but ja howar hoyegeche. this shit don go in reverse.
this life is crazy, its not worth it. nothing is. expectations are made, just to be broken. feelings are mended just to be torn again. esteem is built up just to have it be trampled over again. its a circle. you fall down, get up, fall down again. sometimes you get someone to help you up, then see them trip you back down, nunku chutia, mod khawiye lang martish. sigh. roy pore geche, haha. but how long have i been down man, how long do i stay down. i have been getting up from falls all my life. on my terms. not anyone elses. my terms. its my life, and i chose to live them on my terms, family and friends influence you, not me. my parents have realized that fact the hard way, hence there is no leash anymore, and i will be damned if i ever have one. i have stuck it out all by myself these years, and if i have to do it again, i'd do it without the slightest remorse. one man, one road and one rule, fuck the world, cause its sure as hell is going to try to fuck you.
just remember, if you do the crime, be prepared to do the time. thats fucking karma.