indecision

sick i am.
the throat pains, damn tonsils.
was discussing with a friend that this time we live in is a time of change. the country is going through so much. there is bound to be struggle, not just as a country but as a nation with the world's economic peril. this is like making the silver lining, if you can't find any. distractions are very few and come by very seldom. you'd think people would get used to this state. i don't like medication. the prescribed kind. you have to follow a schedule. follow is key. i hate that. so many conflicting thoughts occur in your head, when in reality you should ideally not be thinking at all. being idle is like a cure.... a curse too. nothing is going well. nothing. nada. zilch. the environment is also kinda slowing down things to make the bad seem worse. i don't look forward to questions anymore. because there is no answer. and even if i had the perfect answer, it wouldn't suffice. so why bother answering to matters that you don't control. dark dark times ahead. dark.
i hope this throat aches go away soon. the smoke isn't helping. never did. bah. just coats the truth, softens the blow, takes the edge off, keeps is real, tints the glass............ the works. shadows is where i belong. shadows is where i should have stayed.