happy new year ........... bah humbug

Day-o, day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Work
all night on a drink of rum
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Stack banana
till de mornin' come
Daylight come and me wan' go home


Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home

A beautiful bunch o' ripe banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Hide the deadly black tarantula
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day-o, day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home

never count your chickens before they hatch

i lost one of my first models today, heh
having scummed to the disease paralyzed unable to communicate, she waited for over half a year, finally just to fizzle slowly and sadly. i am happy that it happened. i feel bad that i am more content than sad. we lose the best ones in the worst possible way, life sucks

this time last year

we were all going about our daily lives, happy sad, grinding it out. then we were glued to the tv for god knows how long. i didn't lose anyone that day, personally that i know of. but that day, and then the following days we felt as tho we did lose family and friends. i suppose we are a secular country, with secular sentiments. i believe india as a country is very united and strong. we show that when ever we have our backs to the walls. even our breed of muslim fanatics were bamboozled by the blatant attacks.
its been a year since then. the tv boxes are full of memorial footage. but i suppose some of us would want to forget it ever happened. i would like to say things have changed. i have, but very minutely.
peace and solidarity
love and respect.

cheers

money

i have never been a fan. as long as i can remember, its primary use has been to compare and contrast fellow individuals, more than anything.
my dad, once i remember i had asked how much he'd earn, he snarled back at me, i hadn't expected the reaction, but i suppose i shouldn't have asked. my dad was is and i don't think ever will be shy of spending money. as long it goes to our stomach, brings a momentary smile, the necessary expenditures and the over the top ones also, he in fact give off money for many a lost cause, primary example being me.
i, in a way, am growing up to be like him, not education wise not depth not temperament wise, its that bloody spending thing i have inherited. but i can't possibly blame it on the poor guy. i'd be satisfied if i were 1/3rd the man he is. is difficult to spend money when don't have any. but i have re-written that shit. i have spent irrespective of availability of funds, crisis not even a global disaster can stop me from spending. i'd be the guy ahead of you in every convenient store stoking up on everything starting from bandaids-hojmi-pudin hara-batteries you name it. i'll get it. its come to the point that i have spent more money than what some people have earned. am i proud of it, no. but does it still pricks you when people compare your bank fucking balance. heh. the sad part is, it has become natural, its what this society currently strives upon. money money money. the lack of or the abundance of, its always money. i have seen people earn shit loads of money and save it like they were scrooge's great grandfather. good for them. honest. i harbor mixed sentiments towards people like that. on one side i envy their saving ability on the other i ridicule the point that them be trying to make. whats the point of money if you don't spend it. but at the end of the day you are what your bank balance states, loaded or bankrupt. that is what you are, what you will remain. figures on a fucking sheet.
maybe i just a loser, really doesn't matter to me. it never did.
as a friend always used to say...."amar chera geche"
by far one of the most volatile one liners in bengali, it expresses a variety of emotions. frustration, anger and i suppose the most blatant one is the don't care don't give a fuck- thingy. it gives a lot away, the words we use, about us.

everytime there comes point at which you know what is coming next, the choice being do you play your cards the way you get em, or do you wait for a better opportunity, one which is more convenient. i now know why i suck at uno. if you have a fucking draw 2, might as well play it rather than wait for the reverse to come so as not to hurt the one you like. hoye na. its always been everyman for himself, the guy in front who gives way to the old lady and that young brat, he always dies. always.

i wish i go to sleep today and wake up when i am 70, only to die a painful slow death.

was with an old man as he talked his way through

i was at jyoti babu's house today
with an old servant of the government, i had no clue i has headed there,
so when the driver asked where, and a loud deep accented voice barked back, indira bhobon, i was...where!? and i think i jumped a lil when the driver too replied with shock.... jyoti babu'r bari!?!!!!!
at that moment i knew i was in for a ride, a very interesting ride.
this man, 83, full of faith and cane to steady his wobbly stride was on a mission. he was from agartala, tripura. he spoke all the way with a loud muffled silati-bengali-mixed-with-an-awkward-english dialect as i cursed myself for being sober and not having the slowmo option, oh how dearly i missed it. i tried to grab most of what he said. to my knowledge he was verifying with me, the politically correct khisti chitter chatter he hoped to do with mr.B, this mr.B. so in a way i was being asked on what mr.B would eventually get to hear, not good things mind you, most of it was directed criticism to the steady decline of power and the stupidity with which the reds marked themselves with red tape.(most of them went way way way over my head, so i nodded along and gave the voluntary grunt of approval) all the time himself being a red fanatic, staying true to the color from what i gathered, old school. so anyway, this and that we were in front of the house, the cops tried to verify who we were, the man took all the attention. talk about taking charge of a situation, i was at awe as he gave another official's card and with the ease with which he was let in. i accept the manner was wrong, but clearly he has been there, done that, z level security, bah humbug. i heard him apologize for his apparent loud rudeness, as he said, his father too complained and he explained it was the reason why people feared him. i was looking at my newest role model. well not in the way that i would change into a dhooti, but i was like wow. we breached security, there he was taken to an ac outhouse where he'd wait for mr.B to wake from slumber. the security were like who is this guy, and this is the one who apparently recognized him and escorted us in. heh. we weren't allowed to leave the old man there as planned. the name on the card was phoned. they knew who he was. they politely came and said, sir is sleeping, and is sick also, fever since last night.
we left the house with the same poise with which we came, i got off after a while, the last thing i heard was raj bhobon jabo.
i foiled that plan. but i think it was for the better good.
all this with a joint in my pocket.

pujo 2009

in short

back

so i be back from malda
it went well, not as bad i expected
a sister is getting married, the count down is on again
saw the time ticking, old people getting older
a whole week without internet :) more importantly farmville
india has really been hit by draught
global warming is catching up
the heat this time around was just unbearable, to the point that ac's in mud houses was seriously discussed, as in seriously no joke, sounds funny but honest
pictures i will put up as i settle in again
the future for paton seems grim, no new faces
old ones are quickly dispersing quickly
one good thing is friends are welcome, and have come in the past
everyones changed, in a good way
or maybe i just grew old
mama'r shamne diye mod er jogar, sigh, and i don drink only
smoking up on a field next to a batch of banana trees stinking from the fertilizer
actually not being able to count the no. of stars in the sky
to almost seeing other galaxies
playing 29 with the kirton ppl and the boli man
unknown people calling me "bhagnay", and many toothless smile
awestruck by the awesomeness of the zippo
someone told my sister, bhagnay nei, theek jomche na
heh, sigh
this is the only thing that is certain
every year, it going to happen, with or without you
but the end does loom, its scary
i want my children to experience this
its a reality check,
for all those who bunk it, its a huge huge loss, jack asses
but then there are those who'd chop off their hands just to be here but still can't
this is my Christmas, my thanks giving, onam, rath yatra, ganesh chaturthi, kali puja, holi, this is my festival. my time to get back to my roots, and give adda with the people who ideally should be your friends your family, your close ones. time to get back to all the missed opportunities, mending bad ones. its my time. my time to spend countless hours in the pond

the wrong side of the quarter

so i am 25 right, not the good side either
check this, i am still buying shorts and and the reasoning is what i find entertaining, i just got back the train of thought while relieving myself, but unlike other days it didn't do away with the flush, so the deal is, i explained to myself, rishi dear boy you need nice half pants for formal occasions.
when rationality returned, i was left wondering, half pant for formal occasion?! wtf
where did that come from, i sometimes wonder when i will eventually grow up.
but the deal is, kore ki labh aache, tsk tsk
70 year old men tell me dirty jokes, but we laugh with equal vigor.
for the first time i might not be able to go to malda this year, but some how i am not that saddened by it. i say it now. but things are not what they were once. man i miss my mom. dad ta fau, hee hee, i like him too, but mom, best defense is a solid offense, and she is like the mother alien in the alien movies. :D

sleep

sleep in so elusive these days, you try to induce it, go to bed just as that drowsy head gives its first bob. some days that is enough to send you to slumber. other days, its just a lure to all the chaos. sometimes i see everything in fast forward when i look for lady nidra. this use to be a permanent problem in college, then i suppose nidra and i got along. i miss those days. i have twitches and cramps. it feels like you are tied to the bed. i roll over again and again, the sheet shifts, almost sweeps the floor by morning. breathing problems also, like there is a stone on your chest and you are desperately gasping for air. sleep was such a joyous thing, a passtime at one time, but now its feared and dreaded. a good sleep makes the difference you see, it all depends on which side of who's bed you decide to get up on that decides the color of the day, and of late, my days have been, the earthly-murky-dark. i see a woman try to fight for her life, but also realizing there is no point, blaming her age rather than her lack of eating habits. if you could drink the water for someone, i think this world would be a better place. have you ever stared at a light bulb, which is flickering due to the change in voltage, it dims, you can see the red filament, then faintly glows again, till the generator runs out, and you lay there is the darkness, close your eyes and can still see the red coil glowing. i enjoy life, well now i do, i can't bear to see people pulling out of the race, you can take a breather, but do finish the lap, you are on the track already, one foot after the other. i dunno whats wrong with me, or is it i dunno whats right with me. all i know is things don't look like they are getting better. i hope i die young. not that young, but young enough. there is too much sadness at the end of the journey, i have seen enough on my way there, i just don't cross that line. independent and alive, dependent and dead. there are fucks, then there are clusters of fucks, that lil stretch at the end is a carpet fuck, i hope i don;t have to deal with it. with bunker busters and heat seeking stingers. abort i say abort.

some would say i throw tantrums,
sigh who am i kidding, i do i do i do
i want i want i want

life grinds. its like two sand papers rubbing against each other. the noise you can't stand...the friction is overwhelming. the pain is bearable. the defiance is not. you complain till the point you know nothing gets through. you stop uttering the redundant lines, as if it was already not enough. if you try to move the pencil with our mind and it don work, well it don work. no matter how many minds no matter which pencil. its amazing if not hysterical. as in its past the point of cribbing, now its only regret. you have a picture in your head, but realistically it never lives up to the actual scene. disappointment i have been the one to cause generally, but when a disappointment is disappointed, heh, it is just plain sad. so i have no complains no qualms, nothing, just nothing. rhetorical questions i have had enough of. now i don't care anymore.

trapped

jai hind

for the lil ones

the un

we set out with a particular vision in our minds. all of us initially started with the save vision. as time passes by and you look behind you, beside you, the crowd seems to diminish. it is only natural. with growth, necessities change, those standing in the same queue, now move off and find lines of their liking. what started out with a crowd now is a feeble number of known individuals. its better than not having anyone behind you. but the thing you will learn is that, those who stand in the same line as yours tend to push your boundaries more and more. bend but not brake.
i don't know what to do anymore, somehow lost sight of the vision i started off with, everything is front is gray and so much noise, distortion. all there is to do is to wait for the dust to clear, that is if it clears. there is no way of knowing what will happen, and how it will happen. tolerance is at an all time low. the times demands it. wasting time in this era is frowned upon.
its
uninitiated
unnerving
unfair
unnecessary


track of the ah fuck it, play this : i have a dream

water

water they say is the best cure. drink lots of it. it takes care of the system for you. keepin it real....keepin it clean. that was when water was pure.
purity, is a concept long gone. a filthy race. gluttony sloth pride greed, heh lust oh damn lust, envy for the most parts and wrath really dosen't matter if you are involved or not, its a participation thing. attendance compulsory, participation must. willing-ness is a non issue. its in the contract. fine print, invariably int he lines we choose to skip.
i haven't spun like this in a while. all this after about 6 liters of filtered filth ridden waters. oh what goes into the rivers and streams. so while i sit here head heavy without thought and feeling, i try to compute if the water will eventually clear the system which i believe i have a mission to destroy.
pandemic is when it happens all over the world, and believe you me h1n1 is the least of your worries. we all fall sick. i generally have been able to cope with it. but this i think is the new shit kicking in, we evolve, we all evolve. its not hit me yet, but its only a matter of time, only that day i felt a tremor, oh how i wish there were ghosts.

erosion

a new building goes up. loads of work, lots of confusion. life goes on. the new building gets its first rain. the sun belts down on it. the people that admired it at first, get used to the colossal structure. they too come to terms with its existence. spits and garbage everywhere. its taken for granted, its there, not going anywhere. the years pass on. the foundations weaken. erosion from all directions. then an earthquake comes. the building is no more. people remind themselves of the fading silhouette. fading none the less.
life goes on. the sky-scape changes. life goes on.
if building could walk.
i'd go up to the oldest one of the lot, sit on the steps. ask how the landscape changed. smell the musky dampness. fill the lungs with asbestos. search for the cobwebs. open drawers that haven't been opened in ages, then smelling the fingers, that rusty smell.
the problem is, people forget. a new shiny ball is not so new and shiny as time passes. its not just me. its us. same shit different asshole.
its not good that this year is full of shit and assholes.

collapse

luck was made to run out,
time was made to catch up.
blessed with circumstance
cursed with existence.
lost without a direction
reason without a cause.


thought of the day : i am my dad's atm :(

sleepless

i have been having dreams lately, i no like dreams, they are either good or bad. hence i like to sleep it through. i can't sleep. i lay down, tired arms and legs eyes almost closing with drowsiness. but as soon as i get on the bed, the aches start. i roll over and over again. all in vain. 30mins-an hour of all this charade, and just maybe i will fall asleep. mornings are not so good either, there were days where i could sleep till 11/12 no issue. now a days i by 9-9:30 i lay eyes wide opened and the head filled with blurry thoughts.
sleep is my best defense, its the coping strategy.... but i have lost touch. as you grow older i suppose there are more things you worry about, lesser the sleep gets.
with so many things going astray so many things yet to do, there isn't much time left, i suppose its the tension creeping in. i remem the last time i felt like this, 3rd semester and my attendance was low. i was worried as i am today. i dunno what i am doing, why i am doing things............ i just hope i figure things out quickly. i can't live like this anymore, its not me. its not me.

bite me

this year has been a test, and it still aint done. the viva portion will start at the village. the increasing number of old people on networking sights is frankly frightening. i think there should be a different version of, say face book, generation wise. see, generally in the bengali tradition, pujo is the beginning of a gossip festival, and when you are cut off from the city in a secluded farmhouse with rooms made of mud, there is little you can do. if there is one thing i gave grown to learn wrt to the family, is how to cover my tracks. these people are a school of piranhas. never enter the water with an open wound, them buggers can smell the fresh blood a mile away, and it take a few seconds to rip a man to shreds, its in their blood you see. sigh, the sad part is, this is the only annual vacation i have, i look forward to. but every year there are conflicts, every year there are people who don come just to save face, save a confrontation. sigh. the politics. this is the first year i am not looking forward to this escape, which is not good, not good at all. when you have to check everything you say and fit your words very delicately, its not fun anymore. and the deal is that this coming generation are also being inducted in the same, blame game. its just not cool. but since i am a slippery one, i do like to see them fishes devour the stupid ones. heh, dumb asses. for 5 years straight, i have been teaching them how to veer clear of the big fishes, but all they do is offer themselves as sacrificial lambs, i mean how hard is it to answer a question in one sentence. you don back your answer up, with undue false and highly unbelievable lies. it gets too obvious. sigh. better to see them crash and burn, than myself.
i have not normally approached things with a plan of attack. well never mostly. but as long as you keep in mind that yous the one attacking, alls good. now to every fight there are two components, the battle and then the war. most people start celebrating right after the battle till the sky falls on their heads, and they don even come close to finishing the war let alone win it. there is initial success and then the sustained kind, the kind that stays there for a while. at the moment everyone i know seems engaged in some form of war. raging it is, like wild fire, contagious even. i used to sit back and see them buggers belting it out. but sigh... its coming this way, everything is. i miss old times. the times when all you used to do is watch. accountability i am afraid of. i just want to get to december somehow, you know, finish what ever this year has ruined. make plans for the next year to crush. heh. when it rains, one generally finds the first shade to keep dry, but when there is no hope for the rains to stop anytime soon, you have to get out and get wet. but then there are those who wait it out in that shade. its those people i don like, its those people i am scared of. i hope the rain stops, i don need the sun, i just want the rain to stop. i am drenched.

reality II

heh, what a day. what a day.
you think you have heard it all, till you hear its all over again. once i was barred for a week over some stupid juvenile shit. but hey, did the crime, payed the time.
there have been two kinds of people in my life. unfortunately both the types have judged me, its the way of the world. the difference is, one party's view i respect the other i abolish. them be the ones that have called me an addict, the others that have dared to think about it, but never utter it out loud. respect is something you have to give to get. i dislike a very few people in my life, but there is a finite domain, covering those category of people. its a domain that my venn diagram never intersects. so what happens to people there. no idea. its as if asking me if pluto is a planet. i don't care.
be nice. thats what people tell you to be, parents try to embed that into you cranium from the day you are born. but what they don't tell you is, there is a fine line, a very fine line, beyond which people take you for granted. the first time being nice back fired you don't remember, because that first experience threw you off. but since that day, you keep a record of what you give and of what you get in return. as the days go by, the ratio gets worse. its only when we hit puberty do we realize, that niceties should be kept for people who are deserving. i some how feel that i have a world of meanness to deliver for all the nicety. its never worth it. you think it is. you make yourself believe it is, but it aint. proof you get in due time. it all gets laid on you like a fat man buttering his toast. all greasy and repulsive. what do you do when you are not mean by nature, do you go out of your way. i think yes, i think it is logical, it is after all survival, and why should i sacrifice myself. the fact of the matter is, you are born alone, and you will die alone. the whole human gene, is wired to seek company. to seek people to share happiness with. suckers we are. man is a social fucking animal. true that. true that.
sigh.
why don we treat different people the same. why do we make exceptions. a chor is a chor if he/she is not related, but the same person becomes a victim when relations are involved. we are told that, we must make an effort to understand. all fucking charade. i will admit to being wrong about one thing, i thought people are different. but they are not, all of them are alike. all. no exceptions. not even me. same shit, different asshole. when this harsh reality hits you, its like the wind has been knocked out of you. you try to gasp air. but ja howar hoyegeche. this shit don go in reverse.
this life is crazy, its not worth it. nothing is. expectations are made, just to be broken. feelings are mended just to be torn again. esteem is built up just to have it be trampled over again. its a circle. you fall down, get up, fall down again. sometimes you get someone to help you up, then see them trip you back down, nunku chutia, mod khawiye lang martish. sigh. roy pore geche, haha. but how long have i been down man, how long do i stay down. i have been getting up from falls all my life. on my terms. not anyone elses. my terms. its my life, and i chose to live them on my terms, family and friends influence you, not me. my parents have realized that fact the hard way, hence there is no leash anymore, and i will be damned if i ever have one. i have stuck it out all by myself these years, and if i have to do it again, i'd do it without the slightest remorse. one man, one road and one rule, fuck the world, cause its sure as hell is going to try to fuck you.
just remember, if you do the crime, be prepared to do the time. thats fucking karma.

reality

i wanted keema today, saw it on some show, dhaba he went to, and keema
i cooked keema
thats now.

so while it cools down, i shall talk a lil,
reality is i can do all this, because i learned how to.
i wanted it, with time and practice i can feed myself, feed myself good. there are only so many things you can do when you live alone. people think living alone is easy, it is in ways. but there are times that the emptiness gets to you, oh it gets to you. i have numbed those feeling the best i can, not by doing things i am particularly proud off, but cooking yes, i am proud. i am good, heh real good. it takes the mind away, crucial time aram se pass hoye jaye, times you would have spent pitying yourself, you try to estimate how much salt to put it, how to get that flavor.... that essence...that texture, thinking out ways and things you can mix, things that the bengali mother would never utter to mix, just to get it that lil extra perfect. it is my vice. one out of the two, the other is dark, but there is balance. i have a unique taste-bud-to-brain-remembering ratio. i don't forget taste, i acquire it, register it, and all i do is keep cooking till there is a match. is it that simple, no. but with enough fuck ups, you'll get there eventually. its what keeps me sane, i already have daal, chicken, roast chiken in the fridge...... lots of leftovers, but i still cooked chicken, why............ cause its what calms me. keeps me from wandering off.
i dug my hole, i dwelled in it, i don't think i got out, am getting out, will be getting out..... who gives a fuck. i know this, that hole started out to be the end all of things, unless you find ways to forget that you are in a hole, cause face it, even if you do....there's a deeper hole, a darker one..... its there. believe me its there. move on. shit happens. it will happen, you can't run away from it. you can run away from a particular shit storm, only to be met head on with another shit storm. so why run from it, i say you know the shit storm you are in, the others you don't know anything about, so why not stay merry with the shit that yous got, cause atleast you know what you ate to cause the horrible indigestion of massive proportions. i walked away from my house once, dad had said, ja.... so i went. three houses down the line i realized, what the fuck. i can't do this, i don have the means to do this. running away is only good if you know for a fact that you will never go back, never under whatever circumstances, wind rain snow or sleet, fuck it.... if you turn away don't look back, because those glances back will cost you heavy.
keema, heh, my head is keema...... and it tastes nice.

#include
aah fuck it, you get the point, infinite for loop of shit wad. get over it.

the last thing you do

whats the last thing you do each day.
i mostly don remember.

i remember that i wait for it. when you live alone. there is no schedule you follow. you tend to somehow fit in as the time passes. there is too much of time on hand. there was a time when i use to wait for all the telephone calls to finish, and then sit for dinner. a movie perhaps. then the calls started getting later and later. and it doesn't help when your parents live in america. the time difference just sucks.
i hate eating alone. hate it. hence i put it on hold till the stomach goes, dude food...food food. what i hate more is stopping in the middle of a meal and talking on the phone. i am not the kind that munches while he talks. so as my mouth blabs..... i stare down at the hot plate in my hands.....and slowly feel the warmth go. as the conversations switches from subject to subject, i think of lowering the fan speed so as not to render the food cold. slowly but surely, i put the plate on the floor..... phone on ear.... stare at the food, the cold food and sigh.
reheating the food, sigh, reheating that half eaten dinner.....again. you get this flash, your life, stale as the food, cold as the daal...... and as meaningful as the fly that does the rounds of the plate.
you still live life as per others boundaries. waiting for calls. taking care of that first and then yourself. is it sad when you come second, even wrt to you. i mean, is it ok that you yourself put yourself at number two. all the time. everytime. over and over again.
and this is just the 2 mins in the microwave.
the plate goes round and round, you hear a faint sizzle. and then you wait, cause you have over heated the mother.
life is not cool. its beautiful. its a lot of other things...... but it aint cool. i sometimes want to explode, i used to once.. but now i don know the degree of destruction i will cause. once you are on a roll you are on a roll, you don really care what you have in your hands, you just throw it. hurl hurl hurl.
i have stopped waiting these days. i can't anymore. and honestly, the care factor has become more complex. there is this state of constant contradiction. live today to fight tomorrow, is what a friends motto was. poor thing, neither is he living nor is there any fight. so yes, i shall accommodate, not vacate..... accommodate.have momentum, so build the same and then jump on. cause there's no stopping anymore.
no more waiting. no more.

insane in the membrane insane in the brain

hmm,
hmm hmm hmm
so my brother has surpassed all of my expectations, i know i have trained him, but i trained him to be a GI on earth, and the dude's moon walking on the moon, different planet all 2gthr. heck gravity still applies. what goes up must come down. i chose to leave america when i was in class 8, choose, yes it was my choice, that same choice was given to my kid bro just the other way around, he went to america in class 8. lots of things i missed out, do i rue about them, yes..... do i wonder what could have been, yes. do i regret is..... no. so where was i, this sibling of mine has already chalked off half of my bucket list. and by the looks of things greater things are to come. i remem my mom got this palm reader once, he looked at both our hands, after mine he said......hmm, porishkar...kintu onek koshto aache, koshto debe. then after my brothers hand, all i could catch that....uff, ie chele ta tope (cannon)...... then both of us were promptly whisked out, for mom to get to the more serious questions. i always wanted to know the answers, but now i think i already do. the lil one is far more tenacious than i ever was, will be. i some how envied what he had going for him, his attitude mostly...... eh. but yeah, i rather rule him than be ruled by him. so ego back on full throttle. poor boy tries to pull a fast one on the old bum, but heh...... been there done that. not at the same age as you are doing it, but done that none the less. this younger generation are fast, they catch up so quick, they fall get back up, and bite that ass and won't let go. its scary. i think evolution skipped a generation, and some how produced this mutated smart mothers..... relentless lil buggers. and its an epidemic of infinite proportions...... lil attitude driven lil punks with smart mouths and an insatiable appetite for arguments and are programmed to do exactly the polar opposite of what you tell em to do. for example lets take sexuality, we were (and this is like generalizing....) born confused (lets say) and then we adhere to the orientation of our fancy. but these new ones are born bi, confused is not in the dictionary, then they move on to one single road, multiple roads....and some prefer to fly :D
somewhere on facebook say khoks write, i am on acid :P
he is not, that i know..... but what strikes me was when i was a munchkin ...... of almost his age, i thought acid was hno3, h2so4.... stuff like that. i knew lsd, but acid is corrosive. chem 101. sigh
where have we come to.
internet is powerful, oh so so so powerful. name me one thing you won't find on the internet. one thing.
you won't find a soul.
slowly we, our younger counterparts are becoming more like drones..... letting go
we need soul. i need soul. soul soul soul.



In mathematics, chaos theory describes the behavior of certain dynamical systems – that is, systems whose states evolve with time – that may exhibit dynamics that are highly sensitive to initial conditions (popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). As a result of this sensitivity, which manifests itself as an exponential growth of perturbations in the initial conditions, the behavior of chaotic systems appears to be random. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future dynamics are fully defined by their initial conditions with no random elements involved. This behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos.

ok this is a lil late

you did change the world,
you did have and impact on this world

so yeah *respect*

There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me

the real slim shady

cnn ibn,
this is what i see
momota giving her rail budget. pechone eminem er real slim shady.
i didn't think i'd live to see this day.
we are living in times of change,
this shit is whack.
note to self,
this shit really happened
oo and dida baba ke kaal first khisti-ish mereche. heh.
times of change

indecision

sick i am.
the throat pains, damn tonsils.
was discussing with a friend that this time we live in is a time of change. the country is going through so much. there is bound to be struggle, not just as a country but as a nation with the world's economic peril. this is like making the silver lining, if you can't find any. distractions are very few and come by very seldom. you'd think people would get used to this state. i don't like medication. the prescribed kind. you have to follow a schedule. follow is key. i hate that. so many conflicting thoughts occur in your head, when in reality you should ideally not be thinking at all. being idle is like a cure.... a curse too. nothing is going well. nothing. nada. zilch. the environment is also kinda slowing down things to make the bad seem worse. i don't look forward to questions anymore. because there is no answer. and even if i had the perfect answer, it wouldn't suffice. so why bother answering to matters that you don't control. dark dark times ahead. dark.
i hope this throat aches go away soon. the smoke isn't helping. never did. bah. just coats the truth, softens the blow, takes the edge off, keeps is real, tints the glass............ the works. shadows is where i belong. shadows is where i should have stayed.

religion

yes, i shall rant about religion. the pros are, it gives you something to belong to.... gives you social status...gets you friends.... for one, i like religion, i like have roots to belong to..... everything is so messed up that yes, sometimes religion can be a good distraction.
lets now shift the conversation to god, mr.G aka prick aka man with the last laugh. god god god, one heck of a guy, and i know its a guy and not a gal cause, if god were a woman.....ektu maya'r bhaab dekhajeto. so god is man. and self indulgent. i bet the guy was bored..... some nebula's and stars he was playing with..... and pooof came man..... for the first couple o times i suppose we were like pets... a lil pat here and a lil pat there, we'd be happy. then god grew a conscience..... and we grew horny. where there were say 13, now are 13million. poor guy, might have just gone to take a whiz and comes back to a booming infestation. i bet he was looking for a baygon/raid/hit ka phus phus can, but i guess god didn't invent everything. stuck with his science experiment, he was. what to do what to do. this whole bunch of people he was not ready for..... not expecting.
but the best thing god could have done, and probably mistakenly also did, was make us "humans" in "his image", this means we had lil o god in us..... not the power say, but the creator mentality. the destroyer mentality. the sustain-er mentality. we were mental. then us human did something that put god off the hook for ever. we invented new demi gods...... cause one god is not enough.... he needs his minions...and not everyone has the same god..... how can we.... we look different... our gods should therefore also look different. so we go, our god is this..... they go our god is that, then there are some that say... our gods are those.
mr.G see this opportunity, full on skirmish. he made us look one way, and dissolved in to the other.
aah fuck it.
we are men. humans i mean, left on this planet to survive. yes we need things to hold on to. customs to carry out. that part i like.....wearing the sacred tread, yes its scared and yes it is also the best scratching instrument ever made. ever! i mean it. sacrifices are made...... people now go.... oooo you should not have killed that goat for a sacrifice..... not cool anymore. has anyone asked the poor old goat, that was probably any way was going to be slaughtered for food, now it has a reason for its death other than gluttony. its death has some meaning. and that mother was fed royally the last few days. i am not saying sacrifices are cool.... i am just sayin if the fucker was going to be hacked, might as well get something out of it, am sure the goat wouldn't mind...... isn't it the survival of the fittest.
i think the time for god is at an end, i don't mean it in that way. its just that i have much more faith in certain individuals than i have in god.
we need more such individuals to steer us right. but first we need to purify ourselves...... i have seen people who are shit scared of god, thats cause they did something to be shit scared about....... so for them if you take god out of the equation....you also take the guilt out. people mostly deserve what happens to them. and if they don't they learn from it. everything has meaning. it must. but tai bole hore ram hore krishno....... uh uh not happenin.
i am a conflicted individual. i have do stupid pronams as i pass a mondir mom used to pronam at, and i wonder do i do it because of god, or because mom used to do it. i do pujo on durga pujo. but most importantly i know when the fault is ours, rather than blaming it on an all powerfull duche.
so god..... i get you, i don believe in you per se. i see you have mind tricks going around, unfair...... but when have you played fairly. so yeah, go off to another planet and start it all over, and see if you can get it right this time.
cheers

june

what a month.....
what a month.... at times like this you know god is the nerdy kid with the magnifying glass taking his anger out on a selected few ants..... god, heh.
what if one day this duche walks up and says..... dude, i be god. i know what i have done to you, but you must understand tough love.... i will stop him there..... will say.. hey man.. no worries... you gotta do what you gotta do.... pat him 2ice... hi5 him, and just as he turns around to walk off..... pounce on that mother and give him the beating of a life time. saala. tough love. i'd like to smack that god till his teeth fall out. they say hesus died for our sins..... heh, guess who is in payback mode.
i loom over my grandma at night. just to make sure she is still breathing..... its not helpful when sometimes she gets up and finds me in the darkness... my nose against the moshari..... i scare her hehe. she thinks i am mad, i know she is mad. what an equation. its come to the point where everything is in a loop, and you don't know if you are caught in it, or if you started it.... bottom line you are in it.
the future seems dark..... gloomy you know. i generally could figure out where my ship is headed..... i lost bearings a while ago.... then came the storm, then another, then the sun belted down with all its fury..... now the clouds are playing aankho me choli..... now you see me now you don't.....
i read somewhere that there was this famous architect who was designing a library.... he wanted to make it the best ever...... he pondered over it day and night.... months on end.... didn;t stop to eat till he got that exact image in his head on paper..... long last his creation came to life.... it was magnificent.... people were all like....wow, what a piece of work..... clap clap....pat pat
the next day the building collapsed...... the smarty archie didn't take into account the weight of the books..... and all the kings men couldn't put it 2gtrh again. sigh.
we build ourselves to withstand everything..... well almost everything.... there are so many things we can't account for..... so many outta the blue, where did that come from - things.....things can't get possibly worse...but they do - things, where the what the - things, just things is general. too many to deal with.

A squirrel in the tree is he watching me
Does he give a damn?
Does he care who I am?
I'm just a man, is that all I am
Are my manners misinterpreted words or only human?
I'm human

Murderous crow, hey what you know
What you reading about, what you hold in your toes
Is that a twig, are you a dove of peace
A black dove undercover, with another puzzle piece
Are you a riddle to solve all along?
Or am I over thinking thoughts of human after all

Only human
Made of flesh, made of sand, made of you and me
The planet's talking about a revolution
The natural laws ain't got no constitution
They've got a right to live their own life
But we keep paving over paradise.

paradise is lost, unattainable, a dream, an escape, an hour, a min, one bloody second. where are we.....what are we supposed to do.....and why oh why.
sigh.
lost i am, and getting used to it.

coo coo ka chu

have a nice life, and move on. sometimes its easier to run away than to stick it through. you stick it through, always wondering what it would have been like if you escaped. after a while things don't get to you anymore. you have heard everything there is to hear, said everything there is to be said, seen everything you can possibly see and then there are things that you dont need to see to acknowledge their existence. questions and only question hover, not a single answer in sight. implications and consequences cloud every act, every step. we strive to find difference, uniqueness..... sometimes we get more than we can chew, what do you do, spit it out, gulp some water...... choke!?
what do you do when you know that every step you take/have taken in life is a wrong one. all you do is take wrong turns, not even cyclic redundancy, just the usual long lateral fuck.
i dunno what i am ranting about, but i know this, you get out of the ditch, fucking fall back into it, get out of it, fall back.......... when is it enough. what do you do when you are not used to it. people don't understand you, they don't want to, but they try and fuck it up all the more. thats what we humans do, give ourselves, even if we are absolutely unwanted, undesired, and unimportant. this whole life is spinning outta control. happy thoughts are like spotting shooting stars on a cloudy night. no matter how hard you try, there still the friggin clouds........ that shroud of darkness.
i have had it. but i can't stop it. i dunno if i should laugh or cry.
mother nature us also out to dab salt into gaping wounds, the sweaty kind.
i know the biggest mistakes in my life, i keep playing them in slow motion in my head, frame by frame..... sec by sec.....its haunting.
i stop and ask what is happening, people have so many versions of it, not one can you relate to. not one actually offers any solution. but wait. there is no solution. heh.
the bright side eh, look look, thats a train.... you are in a tunnel and its heading your way. coo coo ka chu.
dad had said the easiest way to make money its to become an engineer. i should have kept my head down, i should have followed, there is a reason dreams are dreams. i should have kept in line, just like everybody else, nothing is against the system.... the system is all. even neo dies in matrix. i should have been a drone. a fucking drone. coo coo ka chu.


post distress post : like a mini wtf was what that rant about

fuck the drone
i want the throne

coo coo ka-faqin-chu : live life dont let it live you. power to the people \m/

pokapok

so, india are out of the T-20, that match i saw. the one they won i didn't. i don follow too much of cricket, but i thinks dhoni is pond paka a lil, where was utthapa(dudes any day betta than this jadeja), how can you not play ifran khan.... and then how can you play ishant sharma......sigh.
that bollywood actor raped the house help. ki sad.
australia te full on bawali cholche.
i mean aussie land was besh nice. cool and friendly. things change, i guess. i like the fact that the desis there are going old school and rioting their asses off. good for you man. stick it to the fuck bags, an eye for an eye don always work, but its get the attention. beating up ppl for the color of their sink is stupid..... beat him up if he spits paan er peek on your crotch, but not for nothing. i mean, look at the world.... it is slowly but steadily turning, we will all be eventually brown man. i mean already the brown population is like poppin..... we will fuck you at some point in time man..... just a matter of time..... world domination was written in brown man... not in white. heh.
anyways....religion is kinda scary. humanity is the only worth while cause. people help each other. then we should also help people.
things now are kinda in overdrive as far as life is concerned. zip zap zoom. things will settle down soon, we'll get some time to breathe..... sit back and bask again. only to sigh at most times, but its still better than chaos. people around me are pillars i suppose. you are the company you keep. its what makes you. i am glad i gots good people, not sane, not normal, not bland...... but pure.
sigh. lets pardy.

sigh

you know the times when you take the easy way out, only that turns out to be more tedious and complicated than the actual problem.... sigh story of my life. the vacation is bummed. i can't stand the heat.....is so friggin hot.....nagging it is. rain rain rain.

sing along

The Dynamo Of Volition

I've got the dynamo of volition
With po-pole position
Automatic transmission with lo-ow emissions
I'm a brand new addition to the old edition
With the love unconditional.

I'm a drama abolitionist
Damn no opposition to my proposition
Half of a man, half magician
Half a politician holding the mic
Like ammunition
And my vision is as simple as light.

Ain't no reason we should be in a fight
No demolition
Get to vote, get to say what you like
Procreation
Compositions already written by themselves
Heck is for the people not believin' in gosh

Good Job
Get 'em up way high
Gimme gimme that high five
Good time
Get 'em way down low
Gimme gimme that low dough
Good God
Bring 'em back again
Gimme gimme that high ten
You're the best definition of good intention.

I do not answer the call if
I do not know who is calling
I guess the whole point of it all is
That we never know really

I'm tryin' to keep with the Joneses
While waiting for guns and the roses
To finish what we all suppose is
Gonna be the shit so sue me

Oh, fist like pumping and wrist lock
Twisting up a rizla
Kid Icarus on the transistor
Nintendo been givin' me the blister
I bend over take it in the kisser

My best friends are hittin' on my sister.
Try to tell them that they still wish-a
Cause she already got herself a mister
And besides that's gross to want to dis her
Didn't I say, Didn't I say

Good Job
Get 'em up way high
Gimme gimme that high five
Good time
Get 'em way down low
Gimme gimme that low dough
Good God
Bring 'em back again
Gimme gimme that high ten
You're the best definition of good versus evil

I do not keep up with statistics
I do not sleep without a mistress
I do not eat unless it's fixed with
Some kind of sweet like a licorice
My home is deep inside the mystics
I'm known to keep diggin' on existence
I'm holdin' in the heat like a fishstick
My phone it beeps because I missed it.

I do not answer the call if
I do not know who is calling
I'm making no sense of it all
Say, can I get a witness

I'm only a boy in a story
Just a hallucinatory
Trippin' on nothing there is
Living in the wilderness

With a tiger spot on my back
Living life of a cat
I just wanna relax here
And write another rap tune
Driving off on your blind man's bike
You can say just what you like
Or nothing can stop you

Good Job
Get 'em up way high
Gimme gimme that high five
Good Time
Get 'em way down low
Gimme gimme that low dough
Good God
Bring 'em back again
Gimme gimme that high ten
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best

Good Job
Get 'em up way high
Gimme gimme that high five
Good Time
Get 'em way down low
Gimme gimme that low dough
Good God
Bring 'em back again
Gimme gimme that high ten
You're the best definition of good intention
You're the best definition of good intention
You're the best definition of good intention

You're the best around

kabooki

thats what i see my life as....
that day i was pondering over buying tomatoes over tomato puree..... why, cause of the price.... heh
life is weird........
my head hurts.......i don feel so well.... but eh.
ooooooooooooooooooooo "head hurts" sigh.
we need magic and luck..... lots o luck.

barca sigh

well i always liked henry, thats why i liked arsenal, ishh....arsenal... they win the games they are supposta lose and lose them that they could have surely won.
as henry is in barca...... thankfully i am barca all the way now. ki khele uff modhu modhu. the manU sould learn how to pass from these ppl.
people have stopped bloggin.
i have had lots of time to myself again, like old times. i likes. i should start editing pictures that have collected. its just that there are so many pictures.... i take them not edit them. sigh. sleep which had been abundant at times.....has now become a luxury. a very hard to come by luxury. sigh.
dreams have started to fizzle out, we get used to the monotonous grinding of life and what it has to offer. we forget that we had plans chalked out, things to do to escape this madness..... things which we did which we thought would take a lil madness out of the equation..... but in vain. being happy is good, but it seldom stays that way. we trade a moment of happiness and go back to the gloom where we were originally from. we know this gloom inside and out, after all this is the place where we flourished so many years...... the thing is we know what to expect and how to deal with gloom..... the thing that is uncertain is happiness... we always ponder... how long will this last, how worthwhile is it. humans eh, never satisfied with a single state of existence. the more we get, the more we want.
i have again started to hate the mobile phone again. its a figgin gps so far up our ass.... that even if you shut it off... you live that particular day, only to succumb to the next. i thought living alone will help people forget about you, but sigh...we live in an inverse world. its never what we think it should be. indifference has become the new standard of living. people save 5 bucks only to spend 50000. i am just glad to have a family who trust me more than i trust them. this is sad. but its true. i have a lot of work to do in that respect. i dunno. i want to get away form it all eh. 15 days of traveling work is what i need. (not just one.... many). like go to kelera..... take some pictures for a hotel..... sigh. fizzled them have. sigh.

shubi-bi-dubi-dooo-whop-tittydo

so, i have been busy. yes busy, a word that i don generally associate with. attended a rally for the hiv+ve... the indian govt should really work towards awareness...treatment....better treatment and just knowledge about the matter. its world wide phenomena and it not the end of the world. things have gotten better. we just need the govt to help teach us, there are plenty teachers...... approval is key, i say nod your head....cause thats all you do, and thats all we need i suppose.
anyways, a good meal is not generally a fancy meal, but you need one of those fancy meals sometimes..... that i think is one of the biggest advantage when you have someone to share it with. single people do miss out on some under rated or over rated stuff..... stuff none the less. make a life, not a living. song has been key for recovery. i have nice songs, better times ahead. some tiered some worth it and some where you just want to get home and call it a day.
i have money. not mine. money none the less. makes the heart happy, the stomach full and the good times aplenty.
sing with me.


oh i almost forgot, meet professor.... the circuit man

so so so,
the US elections got me 40+ comments..... heh pretentious bastards.... so how many of the "i dedicate my profile to obama" mothers of fuckers, dedicated their profiles to the more relevant (for us indians) indian elections....
i say... if rahul gandhi headed the laal brigade na, uff... kotha hobe na.... the guy has got ishtyle..... almost as charismatic as me.... chele'r talent aache... bhul party head korche.. :D
family man.... fucks it up for you.... hee hee
i was not going to post this, but i think our indian politicians.... the ones that stare at boobies.... and the ones that don't need some applause... i might not agree with half the scum bags.... but the fucks have dedication..... ei gorom e chamar ponti kora ta is a talent..... jagge
vote or don vote..... i really can't tell you much.
this i can tell you.... ki i think this time..... the people might get their voices heard....
cheers to the vote chors..... cheers to the jonota....
and a hug for momota.... it was worth a shot babe.... :D

i hate this weather!!

i hate it i hate it i hate it.... i wasn't going to crib about the weather this time. honest. but the friggin heat melted my chocolate bar on my table... just behind the lappie.... made a puddle of chocolate on my semi dirty table..... i licked it off none the lessdripped on my lappie ka keys.... licked em em off!!!
had it smeared all my hands.... licked em off..... hot chocolate this be. sigh. i turned around i was alone. alone licking off chocolate off my dirty hands..... with a huge guilt ridden face.... and a heart that could not take the heat anymore....
today was the day rishi roy wasted some chocolate. he tried to salvage as much as he could whilst cursing the heat under every breath.....
i have been hurt today... hurt i say
the heat made my chocolate melt away
i long for the rain...sprinkles of water
but all i see is the sun, the air getting hotter
oh how i long for the smell of earth so wet
tomorrow is going to be hot, no rain i bet
:(

rain rain oh where art thao rain

there was a time when rain was the kolkata thing, along with the lingering humidity thing. but now.... the rain has evaporated..... the humidity has occupied the space left. sigh. i haven't complained about the weather like this ever.... i mean i have cribbed. but this is like nekami....and i hate nekami. i now think that i would have been better in a dead end job, no ambition....... just the friggin ac.
sigh
i think life is gettin to me again. i have to remem to keep a journal, cause i think this happened the same time last year, and i dont remem it.
i need a gun. to shoot myself. this is what i'd do, take the gun..... fill it up with ice cold water and shoot my eyes out. for those of you who didn get that, i was referring to a water pistol, look up holi.
i want to go to chicago..... where the parents are.... its cold there.... very cold...... sigh.

april

sigh. april. it hot hot hot hot hot hot.... one hot woman i gots to take picture of. sweating she was...poor thing...... and me too btw (poor thing). the skys are empty i say....empty and the earth drier than a 70 year old woman on her second menopause. what is happening........... this can't be global warming, its global melt down. i mean if people before us fucked it up for us (weather wise) i mean we too should fuck it up too, right. its the order of things. lol. no but seriously...... all you fuckers releasing cfc's into the air and fucking it up for the rest of up..... stop it. or buy me an ac, and pay the bill also. or invite me over a lil more. you know sharing.... thats the real order. humanity. but on a true eco-friendly manner, i will give preference to a pool rather than an ac anyday. i do care about the environment. i want some rain. oh god please make it rain.....pretty please.... if not for me, then for those poor kisans man, for their crop...... and as you spray them with heavenly rain.... just spit a few in my direction.......not buckets, rather a lil lil shower.... like i was here, for not that long..... but here. that smell i long for.... the smell of wet earth, you know the temperature will drop as soon as that smell finds its way to yer nostrils.......


the bird is awake............ the ac calls.... aaaaaaaaa ceeeeeeeeeeeee,
adios loco pandehos.......

kolkata

well back to the city, not with a bang, but back none the less. sigh. the weather is just mad, M-A-D mad.... its hot, sweaty, did it mention hot. dilli was cooler..... temperature wise. i kinda now think a lil more time in dilli wouldn't have hurt. leaving the city never comes to mind. but when you do get a chance to get away from it all...even if its like a shit pot like dilli, the change is well worth it. met old friends...... went to humayun's tomb, purana quila and matka pir. will we grateful if some one actually knew something about the last one. its just one whack place with matkas on the tree. my uncle says ki them matka's be full of alcohol and then drained at the base of the tree and then the matkas hung on the branches. (i don believe the whole thing). ooo dilli airport e the remaining time i was going through the dutyfree shops..... sigh i just wished i had my passport on me. sigh sigh. what bargains i missed. chivas, glenlevit sigh the works. all there for the taking. russians seems to be the big thing in the capital. seems the ruski's get it on everywhere. and if one were to believe the ruski's well, then aishwariya rai was a poor bihari woman, who slept her way to the stop. and by sleep i don mean the snoring kind. kinda ironic when the ruski's givin you information on someone's sex life during sex..... i mean this be pnpc to another level....and its not just us. bideshi ra o pnpc kore. ki sad. hee haw. my desk top is kaput. so most of my work is now being done on the lappie. and i hate windows vista......just hate it. xp did me fine. too much show on this one.
had one of those same ol friggin lame ass jacked conversation with the uncle. i still didn give in. these people who have closed their minds off are dangerous. they try to convert you, preach to you. 24 i be. big boy by most standards. its just that you wish that friendly uncle never was friendly and was just the uncle. i do appreciate their wisdom, but not when its miss directed. tell me what to do in life, not who to or how to get it on. thats my job. getting it on i am, and i shall. this gyan thing is dangerous......if you give it, you must at times get it. but there is always a line...... i prefer staying zonked and seeing things from there.



i just realized, 2 days i gave this post. sigh i am 25 now. 25 :(
2-fuckin-5 years...just like that...... woosh...gone lost, forgotten..... what now what now