this life

hmm... choosing a title for a post is very unfair.... we think of starting off... do the title justice... we try to make sense of what we initially set out to write.... forget, fumble and ramble on... sigh. so where was i, ...ah yes i have started to think again... what i mean is think too much again. i woke up singin today..... literally. its the mp3 ring tones i tell ya..... keep ringin for the whole song. so i woke up singin.... kinda freaked me out when i finally figured i wasn't singin... sigh i would if i had a voice tho.... senti hoye gelam :D
winter is coming... i like winter.... i like the gloom the cold the smell of winter... i relate to it. i haven't complained about living alone for a while now. i suppose i have gotten used to it and then i remind myself i be not alone anymore.... before moo starts moo-in.... you know i didn mean it like that *mirch* *mirch*..... its just that i am distracted...in a good way. my house...i look at it now is messed up..... really really messed up. i need to fumigate it i think..... what all crap i keep. i complain about having no clothes..... but heck 3 of my 4 beds are dumped with clean/not-so-clean/definately-not-clean clothes..... not to mention the sofa's the chairs.... its like a bomb went off. i feel at home in the chaos..... i can still find things in it..... takes a lil more time but nothing goes lost.

well anyways..... i will be off to orissa soon..... so a blog sabbatical is in the cards.... it started of as a vacation i thought i'd look forward to..... i still do... lil.... i want to go and aw..... but
sigh there's always that but...... you don know what its for..... but.
life would be simpler without the buts and what if's ...... "but" if you look at it close... these words are what free and limit us..... if - i have maintained is the stronget and most powerful 2-letter word on the planet. it allows up to dream.... to think of things we wanted to do "if" shit woked out a different way....
if i win a photo contest
if i become a hot-shot photographer and bleed money
if i figure out...why oh why am i here
if i had dedication along with talent
if i had drive

but bu oh oh oh oh....the but

but there are too many contestants
but almost everyone has a camera...
but i am already here
but you don't get everything
oh-but-ter-fuck i have got drive

sigh: i hope orissa does it for me
as for the rest of you all..... sigh cheers cheers.... life man... this is life

too lil to live for.....too much to let go of.... eh chera geche sigh