how do you give solutions to a problem if you have never faced it. you can try. but some how you know it'll never the mark. problems come one after the other if you try to run away from the first. i suppose rash decisions are made with haste. you need time. you need mind over matter. some things are just petty. they just are, can't be helped, move over it, around it....dont step on it. there is this feeling inside that suffer from.... you know when things are supposta happen, but they are not happening.... i try to give momentum.... you know inertia to get things moving, but some how i still feel that i haven't moved an inch. its high time. i have had too many free opportunities, done nothing. distance covered may be a zillion miles but the displacement is nil, nil. nothing to show for 25 years of existence. people say, oh you, livin an ideal life, against the the system. heh, one should try it first. it sounds better than it actually is. you lie through you teeth, see time go by, min by min, sec by sec....... while you do nothing. there are plans, there are dreams, there are schemes...... nothing will happen... never does. i am mostly to blame. i know. i hear you. heh. fuck eh. 25 i will be twenty fucking five. there's a reason i stopped celebrating by birthday...... there actually is nothing to celebrate. what am i going to be happy about.....another fucking year gone without a fucking trace...... again nothing to show for it.i feel i am kidding myself.....all i see are posers..... everywhere... i complain i bitch, but why.
i think i am the poser.
life just sucks man...............fuck this shit.
i like no pressure....no responsibility....i need to put my life in perspective. too much talk no action....thats me. its sad but its true. all i do is yap yap yap yap yap yap yap
fuck-a-doodle-du

i have started liking change. now i want more. i dont want to jinx this. i want it. its time. it is. sigh.

departure and arrival

so, mom left, the grandmother left. alone again. i like it. the "solitude", it calms me..... i have again got back to the way i live. i got my routine back. lots of things are going on in and about. life's probably not on the right track but i am facing the right direction. i just need to get moving.....fast. money seems to be the problem. it comes pretty fast...the problem is it goes away faster. march promises to bring a good time. i am quite looking forward to it. the sunday counseling sessions are going great..... it insightful and a means to vent. like minded individuals if not all, but there were nice surprises.......the whole deal challenges me in a cerebral way. what better to test your skills with a shrink, whats better is that there are two. i am in a way studying to be one o those profile-dudes, like on criminal minds and bones, cool stuff. its like a super power to get inside someones head and mess with them. hee haw. not that i would....... intentionally. i got gate crashed yesterday , thought only one cous was comin....... but the whole lil league showed up. i hope i never ever have to ruin another sunday writing movies and pictures for kins. sigh what a major waste of time...... mostly. i have got myself a pipe. only tobacco people.....sheesh. :P the thing is the tobacco smells so good...so good. almost like a perfume, if i could smear it all over the body, i would. oh dad will be coming 21st....this 21st. i get to see parents in installments. which is cool...... you get to exploit both of them separately.....heh, sigh i sometimes make my self crack. this other house deal has got me up the wall. concrete evidence, apparently aint enough to swing a case your way. we watch too many legal shows........ i have dreams that i am disputing the property case like in boston legal...."danny crain.......still undefeated"......
indian courts, they take time and bribes, then some more time....a lil more.... come on its only time..... achha ok 5 more mins....2?! aah forget it, you all have no patience.... its a civil case..... go forget about it the first couple o years.... and then we'll get back to it...... it be like nothing ever happened.... brand new. mother fuckers!
our lawyer himself said, and i quote, "we too are crooks, crooks that follow and understand rules......civilized crooks if you may"
have you ever felt that vein on your head pop......0i just wanted to smack him silly. "ki bolli....(thash-boom-bam-kapaow-zing) abar bol"
sigh what a year, what 23 deaths?! is it bad if you can recall all the dead bodies you say this year?! they don't haunt me. i just see them when i close my eyes at times... you know hoping they spring to life....share some vital info and plop back dead. you know like " oi....i hid 800k under that tree, beside that fence on that lawn..... take care of it"
you all think i'd be shocked, scared...... no no, no no no no no, i be cpr on his ass to find out which tree, which fence and which fucking lawn.
sigh if life were that easy, it is that crazy, i just lost out on the easy part.

i want to be a treasure hunter. well a pirate. i will keep most of it for myself. first help yourself and then go being robin hood. i will be a kind and ethical.... yet coldblooded and ruthless buccaneer.
all hand on deck you vile filthy vermin's..... the winds be sweet and the sea calm.... set sail for tortuga.....where's my rum!!!!!!!!!!!
this is my story na, single malt.....where is my single malt!!!!!!!!!!

end of book fair and fome fun

killing 25

i have been tagged on facebook
but my haart stay with bloggers..... this is a place where a lot of things happened... good and bad.... some bhari mishti if you know what i mean and then there was that bitch on obama(who personally went and ogled {like our Indian counterparts[supposedly]}cause she had no intellect to share) ..... sigh good times good times
i like blogger

so the killin 25 eh....

1. my mom dressed me in a frock (i was only a year old...i pulled it off :P)
2. i am vane.... very vane....blatantly vane even
3. i spend like a millionaire but don have cash most of the times (literally)
4. i am scared of expactations... cause once you meet em there are new ones, those achieved be forgotten lest we fail...then it is immortalized
5. i have one weird family....... and i am being nice
6. i suck at commitment..... not just generally
7. i am sensitive......weirdly at times
8. i have been writing "i am".... you fill in the blanks
9. i make excuses.....a lot of them..... sometimes just for fun... like a story
10. although i may seem knowledgeable, i am most of the times clueless..... but you dumb asses will have to work hard to get me :)
11. i am an addict (of sorts)(very grey that area is... refer to point 9)
12. boy am i lazy
13. i like shiny things, not too shiny... just enough
14. i am a puppy :) i am i am, otter too...... wet and hairy
15. i have a receding hair line...... but eh.... i think a lot...head gets warm (point 9)
16. have i a mole somewhere around my "wink wink" area..... i don bother checking it anymore though
17. clearly i go off topic a lot.....
18. thums up is my vice
19. i want to be responsible for my death.... rather than dying under unknown circumstances
20. i am a fair and almost honest person in a very very dishonest world
21. i am confused..... all the time.... momentary lapses of concentration
22. i am a bad car driver..... not that bad.... am still working on it :P
23. i forget a lot... a lot lot
24. i was shy .... once
25. i say eh too many times......guess that means i generally don't care.
cheers