money

i have never been a fan. as long as i can remember, its primary use has been to compare and contrast fellow individuals, more than anything.
my dad, once i remember i had asked how much he'd earn, he snarled back at me, i hadn't expected the reaction, but i suppose i shouldn't have asked. my dad was is and i don't think ever will be shy of spending money. as long it goes to our stomach, brings a momentary smile, the necessary expenditures and the over the top ones also, he in fact give off money for many a lost cause, primary example being me.
i, in a way, am growing up to be like him, not education wise not depth not temperament wise, its that bloody spending thing i have inherited. but i can't possibly blame it on the poor guy. i'd be satisfied if i were 1/3rd the man he is. is difficult to spend money when don't have any. but i have re-written that shit. i have spent irrespective of availability of funds, crisis not even a global disaster can stop me from spending. i'd be the guy ahead of you in every convenient store stoking up on everything starting from bandaids-hojmi-pudin hara-batteries you name it. i'll get it. its come to the point that i have spent more money than what some people have earned. am i proud of it, no. but does it still pricks you when people compare your bank fucking balance. heh. the sad part is, it has become natural, its what this society currently strives upon. money money money. the lack of or the abundance of, its always money. i have seen people earn shit loads of money and save it like they were scrooge's great grandfather. good for them. honest. i harbor mixed sentiments towards people like that. on one side i envy their saving ability on the other i ridicule the point that them be trying to make. whats the point of money if you don't spend it. but at the end of the day you are what your bank balance states, loaded or bankrupt. that is what you are, what you will remain. figures on a fucking sheet.
maybe i just a loser, really doesn't matter to me. it never did.
as a friend always used to say...."amar chera geche"
by far one of the most volatile one liners in bengali, it expresses a variety of emotions. frustration, anger and i suppose the most blatant one is the don't care don't give a fuck- thingy. it gives a lot away, the words we use, about us.

everytime there comes point at which you know what is coming next, the choice being do you play your cards the way you get em, or do you wait for a better opportunity, one which is more convenient. i now know why i suck at uno. if you have a fucking draw 2, might as well play it rather than wait for the reverse to come so as not to hurt the one you like. hoye na. its always been everyman for himself, the guy in front who gives way to the old lady and that young brat, he always dies. always.