....if you sing along

.....i have come to an artistic block......i mean i was so used to take pictures that i thought.....i mean to say before, i already knew what i had to do...and had a rough idea of the out come of the picture....now that my skills have been focused on an object rather than anything and everything.........i feel bound....feel that there's this finite domain in which i remain.....it worries me......finite it self is a word that limits things....and i am not used to it.....not used to being told what to do and how to do it.....but i guess this was inevitable....it had to happen sometime..... ppl that know me, tend to say i am against the system......but some how now i realize its not so... no one can be against the system...thats why its called the system . its a complex and intricate network of ppl fuckin other ppl and then gettin fucked.....what goes around comes around rite...he he......there was a time i didn't belive in such divinity......but when your home alone..... the lights just went out due to the flashing and turbulent thunder-storm brewing....as i fumbled for the bleeding candles i felt scared....first time in years...my own home seemed to be an empty dark pit...........as i lit the candle....i quickly went to close all the windows.....the rain was comin in...i closed all but the one at the foot of my bed.......i lay there....put on some music and peered though the window.....i looked to find closure i guess.....answers to all my questions......a finger hopefully to point me in the right direction...cause i sure as hell don know which way to go.... i feel so lost.......the only thing that calms me is somthing that will eventually kill me...... but hey for those few seconds if i can feel....if i can see...if i can imagine.......i do just abt anyting for 5 secs of pleasure......even if it is followed my 50 min o pain....... ppl say quit man..... quit..... i ask quit what......quit happiness.....quit love....quit memories......i can't i won't.
sometimes it all seems so meaningless....so bland.....why am i here....what is it i must do......in the end it all comes down to making ppl proud i guess...... heh proud..........derivative to pride...one of the seven deadly sins............jesus.......reason is something i'll never runout of.... i am glad for that......cause for all the sins i have commited and commit....i reason it out......i lie to myself...believe in somthing i congured up.....and live in my own private satire.......
i need meaning...i need completeness.........i guess it is thime for me to get hitched!