the door knob

..... when i took the picture of the door knob..... i didn't know that i'd be embedded into the picture.. some relate to pictures.......but i rarely relate to my picture......i believe this cause when i take picture.... i blur out me and try to get the best of the picture....... i believe one can tell another's life by only seeing the pictures he/she has taken......i believe that too......i mean there it a reason to which i take a particular picture in a particular way......... cia found himself in one of my picture.... and lo....so did i ........but in my case the connection is clear........ i am a door knob and in one too. a brass door knob.......helps people to get thru.....and in that wear and tear the knob rusts.....looses its shine....... but still opens the doors....

as i move forward

i got mah canon babay..................

its sounds different when i say it.........but hey......i got me a camera .....and i went wild

weeks at end

as the days rolls by....the sun snuggles back into the darkness..... i feel her breath on my ear.....her whispers send shivers down my spine.....every moment thinking what could have been...... i close my eyes and all i see is her face.....the warmth of her hand in mine still haunts me at nite.... endless sleepless nites............twisting and turning....... alas giving something up is not something i am good at...... as soon as i smell blood i want more...... leash is something i detest.....but there are times when one is required.............closing my eyes and tracing her face with my memory is the only thing that i can do........she was there and then gone.......and why the fuck am i listenin to papa don preach!!!!!.......


life is wierd! all who agree owe me a beer for sayin "life sucks"!

i can but won't

........hmmm long time since i've blogged but lets just say the last few days have been wild........overflow of partying........ see friday i hear couple of my old friends were in town.... saahil and rahul...... i zoomed over to diggu and veru's crib......to meet em...... nice to get meet old and good friends.......... as i entered their house.......i saw abt 12 bottles of empty beer bottles and a familiar smell creeping through...... eyes got hold saahil...... beer in hand watchin a movie on diggu's lappy.......i entered and well "man hug"........ never did i understand saahil...... in college we knew each other pretty well....but the thing i couldn't understand was that the guy had unconditional faith in me..... he'd believe me on things he'd prolly on discuss others.....me and rahul were kinda his vise...... his confessional booths.......and his advisor's...... i was apprehensive at first but then i got to know him better and better..........so anyways i enter.........the first thing i hear outta saahil's mouth..... "oye yaar tantra kidhar hai batiyo .....aaj jaana hi hai"......laughing....... i heard another familiar voice tear apart the room.....that was rahul's monologue..."bund mara le...tantra mantra koi nehi jaana........beeri or bhint.......yehi kaam hai.......bas aab chup betho aur chalo.....".......... pulling me towards the balcony.....i heard saahil's trailin....whinin that if no one goes he'll go alone........... the balcony was filled with familiar faces but un-familiar eyes.......we sat there and chatted..... smoked.......laughed.........had a merry time like back in college..........finally saahil stormed in and demanded to go to T........everyone turned slowly.......but but responded giggling "bund mara.....koi nehi jane wala hai nawab......"
but he was willing to go alone ........... but the dude's first time in cal and he was all ready to go out and drive to T without knowing where it was .....what road to take....and did i mention he'd been drinkin beer since morinin...... the sole motive i'll quote "mtvnite hai.......kyun nehi jao.....kal raat riya sen aai thi.....laudiyan ayengi ....kyun nehi jao"...like a 5 year old wants candy.........i has kinda taken aback to his determination and took pity.......i told im i'd come along......and i'd be damned if he goes alone............. so we drove into the night......my first time in T and his first time in calcutta........one drunk and good lookin......the other not a looker but a charmer.......words was his artillery............... we reached there........no stags allowed.......heh fuck that ...all this for no stags...........yeah rite....... saahil turned into my friend from america........ron and i was a journalist from delhi............roy.............it wasn't till they figured out we weren't takin no for an answer and i think he'd had enough of the stupendous bullshit i was feeding him.........he stamped us and said go ahead............our first triumph........dim lights ....laser lights and trance/hi-hop thundering from every direction....the dance floor tho empty.......... before i could say anything i see saahil who i'd lost n all the commotion swaying my way with two bottles o beer..........beer i don drink beer.......but i couldn't let it go waste.....so i agreed to sip it till he finishes his .......it was shit cold and as i chugged.....the bitter taste soothed my high pipes...and the my hate of beer melted as time went on..... chug chug chug.............i like beer......who would have guessed......... we hopped seats.....saahil's eyes scowering the floor for potential targets....as he called them........and lo....the two empty seats next to me gets filled with a whitey and another indian girl........ saahil looks back and sniggers is ass off............ by this time the whole days nature trip and the two sticks on our way to T mixed with beer and beer...........see i admit to being naturally shy......but when in my "normal" state......minus the alcohol......i am quite a site.......and well beer i guess catalyzed the event.........i see em orderin a "fiery ferrari"........even in all that music i cud hear em whisperin it to the bartender.....ppl who know me know i have keen hearing skills.....when i choose to use them and entirely observant to every minor detail and when my head and mouth are in sync........boy lets just say i am brutal.....the cocktail involved a martini glass with a drink with 3 layers really yuky.....and on top of that 3 more glasses on which.....flaming spirit would be poured over...........shees...all that before the guy lights up.....i bend over and ask the firang what the hell was it that they were having........and then crash....all the three glasses went all tumbling down....glass everywhere.....in her shoes.....what more could one want.......lol devine intervention....as the bar tendered all flushed repeating the whole facade all over again i blurted out....oye...that one should be on the house.....she's got glass in er shoes........she laughed took my sholder......and tried to shake the pieces of glass outta er shoe.......me grinin though out.........strike rate 100% :P.........i looked over my shoulder to look for saahil........and like a flash i saw him go to help the other female in dispair.....all that before you can say hot-diggity damn!.... we chatted.......saahil as my wing man.......we whiffed em off to the dance floor(the rest i'd like to cherish myself)............ heh shy my ass........solitude does a lot to you......makes you tough...........that was friday........come sunday we went again.......this time five....and again i end up dancing........irish(9.5...........4 leagues apart...sheesh) this time......she took my hat.......said it was cute........... i never thought that it was this easy...............now i am certain i can but simply don't want you...........i have witnesses.........very pissed off witnesses........but there......now at least i know........its the game...and i am a player...............but have an option on which game i want to play in................sigh are we sopposta blog abt this stuff........and i ain't givin elaborations! .

run away.

what does one do when he knows what he has to do.......but doesn't want to do it.......there are so many things here.....love...pain....angst.....depression... .loneliness.........conversations that echo in my mind......i was readin about solitude... its supposta help somehow.....inner self..focus....and with all those things.....my head rings with the same question over and over again..." why don't you come along with us? "......at that time i blatantly said no.... the reasons i had one i hate beer.....and in america if you hate beer well lets just say weird..... lol...having been there before i kinda thought i'd be the same..... cold and windy.... i had another reason....... which i never shared..... i regret that the most.....but in the end i never wanted to go inside..... i hate the human brain cause when it gets stuck with one thought it reverberates in that empty skull over and over again.... everyone i know is lookin...on the prowl.......to catch the find the missin piece of their so called life..........lookin for some one to share...supposedly.
never have i had the urge to got out there and actually cast myself in the pool to see if any fishes bite....... but i have a better time watchin from the bank..... seein the worms on hooks ...enticin all those fishies.... the thing that they don't understand that they'r the bait......ironical know...... whenever in a family gathering and since parents are outta the city....i do get extra care.....no complains there... but i also get those probing question.....but in a more direct and discreet but open way....... one of the elders.....from the corner of the room winks and seats you beside her.....she makes this curious face and says......."aache (wink wink)"...... i have the same answer everytime......a snigger.."no....but you'll be the first to know"............ the thing is if you have someone you get interrogated
....but what surprises me more is theres more interrogation if you don have any.....
i remember my brother sayin once...." i don believe you don have a girlfriend".... and no the bugger has two wrapped around on both side....and a third just in case... he he.....i saw namesake yesterday......heh



well its safe to say hillary swank is in a spankin treak.... i saw freedom writer's... and the last movie that made me shed tears was Finding Neverland 3 am in the mornin in college.......(note to mamba....ye did it to.....and then baghban...... har har).....in my defence...i was high and well the movie is really good..... funny thing is that its not a tear jerker......but i suppose every-fuckin-one can damn well relate to it....or at least i can.....i remember there was a time i sat in those chairs...

bond.........

bond.... james bond boy have i grown up hearin a lotta that... on this particular occasion..... whilst "crazy shooting"

*this means during another load shedding thanks to my ups and mp3 player i was still having a good time.....full volume in the rain good time.....i could prolly make a list of the things i'd wanted at that time.......listenin to hinder - lips of an angle..... sigh...... the light was gone......but the fire still burnt and the music too.... talk abt drifting from the point..... well alone in a dark room......rain pelting outside... puddles turn to ponds.......walks in hip deep water to find my bleeding cat......getting cuts and bites for keepin it dry while escort "him" to "my" house.... sheesh i just keep on n on.....so any ways there i was so i kinda stuffed my face into a lamp shade.....and whaddya know.....i get m first bond face......... minus the gun tho..... but a proud moment none the less












btw.....watch pride.........hell of a movie!!!













dont hate the payer hate the game

oi

today i salute princess diana on her 46th b'day........ cheers


but did you see what elton john was wearing........ glasses with EJ engraved in em with beeding bling bling.....bling every where!!! i mean...... jesus.....