Oye Como Va....Mi ritmo, bueno pa' gozar, mulata.

face book

2010-03-08T09:27:00.000-08:00

well it does suck. but eh. gives people some kind of social life. i like to interact with people. face to face.
i was about to update my status with this.

i now know why i don't remem any of my birthday. half of the time it was either exam time or result time. sigh. i felt that again today

but i felt like writing more. i was about to continue. then stopped.
i had this feeling of deja vu. been there. done that.
i miss blogging. i do.

there are things that blogging does that facebook can't do
here i don't care who reads me.
there, there are a shit loads of people i don't want reading shit i spit out.
sigh.
for the record. stating that there is a problem, doesn't really help with the solution. either give a constructive criticism, or stand in line with all those who have issues with me. there is a waiting list. a lot of redundancy. of both people and issues.

i don't know why i don't like this time of the year. i have seen so many enjoy their time. i suppose the time for celebrating the coming of the new year replaces itself with the thought of another year gone by. i would say wooooooooosh, in warp like speed. but with every minute spent alone, thinking about consequence and effect, everything in suspended animation. the one you can freeze frame, walk about and see yourself fucking it up it all possible angles.

all of this is a test. the results of which we will never get to see.

getting a tattoo

2010-01-24T00:20:00.000-08:00

getting a tattoo is not just choosing a design. its not how much its gonna hurt. how much its going to cost. the main aspect of a tattoo is what people look over. just plain skip. i have learnt it the hard way.
a tattoo is a bond, dosen't have to me a emotional bond, but a strong strong bond. as in, its a piece of art that is going to stay with you your entire life. so when you are trying to bargain off the what you think is the extra cash, you are indeed pissing off the artist. i take picture. and lemme explain. if a client is paying me lesser than what i would normally make, and is expecting the world from me. i have to try to explain to them ki tis just not done. to produce an original piece of magic, it takes more thatn money. you need to be inspired. i have 5 tattoo's now. i was only impressed by the first. the second, i regretted, spurt of the moment, this looks cool wannabe sigh, the 3rd well that had some elements going, not impressive, but not bad as well, the 4th, well that was lil one has meaning. and since i drew the X, i take the credit. but this last one. it makes all the 4 worth their while. i mean finally i have a piece of art, which i can cherish.
you need to trust the artist, be sure of his/her skill. and that goes 2ways. i mean i get why people get butterflies and crosses. but when you find that one thing, that one all inspiring thing that you want on you, for the rest of your life. and want it done good. lemme know, and i shall point the way. am boy, do i bet you you'll come out all smiley. this is not a promotional text for white star tattoo's. but i have been moved. and well, you all lazy buggers wanna move, holler!
this is art man art
peace out

the truth

2010-01-12T23:58:00.000-08:00

have you ever been scared of anger?! of your own anger. when you have seen yourself in full swing, your conscience in the passenger side as rage takes over. its like a movie. there i go using movies again. movies and tv are like my books and bible. so if you insult the idiot box and the silver screen. i take it personally. both of those combined have taught me things i'll never get from any teacher,book,manual etc.
movies,tv and music are my vices. keeps me sane amongst all this chaos.
i don't get angry anymore, very rarely. very. this is not a good thing. anger in a constant flow is healthy. if your stay consistent it hardly matter.
again a movie quote-ish i will give here, there are 2 types of people in the world. implosive and explosive. lets take the metro system is question. the rude passengers hurling abuses at the ticket man to give their tickets faster are implosive. the poor ticket man, who takes this shit, day after day after day..... and suddenly one day comes to work with a sub machine gun, and well. say hello to his lil friend. that is a ka-boom.
i am scared of a ka-boom. i have seen myself go ka-boom, and it ain't pretty. i have know to pick people up and brush them aside. literally. sorry moo for that calendar outburst. i think i am self destructive also. try to say stuff using the wrong words.
people sometimes wonder why on earth i am stuck in calcutta while my parent be in chicago. sometimes i wonder myself. is it something i want to prove. it is because i am sick of all the moving. or is it because i am lazy, content, indifferent. i don't know. all i know is i want to stay here. once i had a dream. a stable nice warm dream. where money was not in the equation, time was all i had, always and forever. it wasn't hard to clearly distinguish between the fiction and the non-fiction. but in the moment. you know.staying where i belonged. doing what i was born to do. merrily merrily merrily merrily, life's but a dream.
its easy to find your way when you took a wrong turn 5 mins ago, what do you do when the first wrong turn was 5years a ago, and ever since, one wrong turn after the other. its too late to turn back. i suppose i am not the kind of person who turns back also. call it ego, call it carmen sandiego. really don't matter.
chocolate cake and kosha mangsho i can cook. i suppose thats all that matters. a full stomach, and an empty head. but just my luck being stuck with a full head and an empty stomach. by choice and not compulsion. mostly out of worry and utter internal devastation.

happy new year

so here goes

2010-01-11T23:31:00.001-08:00

last year was bad, bad bad bad bad bad. it ended on the right tone.
but this year i have a lil animosity towards certain things. one thing that drives me up the wall are reviews. i mean, 5 years ago, they were like insight into the film. now a days they dissect every tini winy lil detail, twist it to their own interpretation and try to force feed it down viewers throats. i don't once remem going to see a movie after checking out the review. whats the point. that review is someone point of view, that someone's job. he or she see's all the movies and then gives critique. i'd follow that critique if i too watched all the flicks. but i don't, i follow what i want to see. and another thing i don't get, from lil we are told how to live, what to do, what not to and what to re-do. i mean our whole life has been constantly critiqued and reviewed by loved ones. i grew up listing to everything, but figuring them out myself. i mean, i remem dad said " steak, ewwwww, its uncooked and lil blood, ewww" , so i didn order it when i went out with em. but does that mean i never had steak. i love steak. the tender meat, the lil redness. i get dad didn like it, but there is no certainty i will loath the item in question with ferocity.
life is just that. everyone knows whats going to happen eventually. its making them happen on your own terms, thats why we do the things we do.
movies were fun once upon a time. now they are more of a test of compatibility. rocket singh left a scar, 3 idiots am scared to watch. sherlock has been getting bad reviews. tis a guy richie movie. it can't be that bad. if shah rukh khan can can get away with playing a fuck all ashoka, which is more a sentimating-musical than an actual account of history. then robert downy junior and mr.law can get their bromance on if they want to. its such a prejudiced generation we deal with. everything has to made according to their specification. cinema bananor khomota nei, ninde korte shomaye noshto korbe na.

fundamentally, i am a piscean. dream all day. so movies for me, are like a can of worms to a fish. they allow me to expand my realm of possibilities and theories. i have seen shit all movies, still taken something back from them. hindi in fact. and bengali, the current ones are not that bad either. i like to see what could happen, even if it shit all. the whole plausibility is not the factor, has never been, as long as things happen, they happen.
i have become apprehensive about what i say these days, started off at the movies, and i brought it home. i don't like this feeling. i don't like checking everything i say before i say it. things that were a past time have become a mine field. one wrong step and kaboom.
i missed the times of no limitations. ei cho cinema jabi, cho cho. ki cinema, dekha jabe. then while coming out, e maa ki jaali cinema. i remem seeing back to back movies. the first more horrific than the last. but i still did it. now i think downloading them and seeing them in the comfort of your own home is the best option. no telephones ringin, other than yours. if that happens, you can atleast pause the bloody thing. you don't have to share your thoughts with other people. you don't get to over hear over committed phrases.

and i hate people who shoot down ideas, its like, " hey how about....." "no". i mean what the fuck. listen toh. and the funny thing is, its them who ask you the questions. absolutely hate it.
i have learnt one thing, when subjected to adverse conditions, the subject in question has two very clear options, erode slowly till the water finally settles on its path, or just wash away with the water. the problem comes when the rock is big.

i wish i could turn back time, and stay in college for ever. i meant something there. i felt as if i belonged. things were simpler. way way more simpler. expectations were at an all time low.

i am afraid i am becoming a push over. and thats like calling me anorexic.

happy new year ........... bah humbug

2009-12-30T22:12:00.001-08:00

Day-o, day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Work
all night on a drink of rum
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Stack banana
till de mornin' come
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home

A beautiful bunch o' ripe banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Hide the deadly black tarantula
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day-o, day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home

2009-11-26T01:06:00.000-08:00

never count your chickens before they hatch

i lost one of my first models today, heh
having scummed to the disease paralyzed unable to communicate, she waited for over half a year, finally just to fizzle slowly and sadly. i am happy that it happened. i feel bad that i am more content than sad. we lose the best ones in the worst possible way, life sucks

this time last year

2009-11-25T23:15:00.000-08:00

we were all going about our daily lives, happy sad, grinding it out. then we were glued to the tv for god knows how long. i didn't lose anyone that day, personally that i know of. but that day, and then the following days we felt as tho we did lose family and friends. i suppose we are a secular country, with secular sentiments. i believe india as a country is very united and strong. we show that when ever we have our backs to the walls. even our breed of muslim fanatics were bamboozled by the blatant attacks.
its been a year since then. the tv boxes are full of memorial footage. but i suppose some of us would want to forget it ever happened. i would like to say things have changed. i have, but very minutely.
peace and solidarity
love and respect.

cheers

money

2009-11-12T23:36:00.000-08:00

i have never been a fan. as long as i can remember, its primary use has been to compare and contrast fellow individuals, more than anything.
my dad, once i remember i had asked how much he'd earn, he snarled back at me, i hadn't expected the reaction, but i suppose i shouldn't have asked. my dad was is and i don't think ever will be shy of spending money. as long it goes to our stomach, brings a momentary smile, the necessary expenditures and the over the top ones also, he in fact give off money for many a lost cause, primary example being me.
i, in a way, am growing up to be like him, not education wise not depth not temperament wise, its that bloody spending thing i have inherited. but i can't possibly blame it on the poor guy. i'd be satisfied if i were 1/3rd the man he is. is difficult to spend money when don't have any. but i have re-written that shit. i have spent irrespective of availability of funds, crisis not even a global disaster can stop me from spending. i'd be the guy ahead of you in every convenient store stoking up on everything starting from bandaids-hojmi-pudin hara-batteries you name it. i'll get it. its come to the point that i have spent more money than what some people have earned. am i proud of it, no. but does it still pricks you when people compare your bank fucking balance. heh. the sad part is, it has become natural, its what this society currently strives upon. money money money. the lack of or the abundance of, its always money. i have seen people earn shit loads of money and save it like they were scrooge's great grandfather. good for them. honest. i harbor mixed sentiments towards people like that. on one side i envy their saving ability on the other i ridicule the point that them be trying to make. whats the point of money if you don't spend it. but at the end of the day you are what your bank balance states, loaded or bankrupt. that is what you are, what you will remain. figures on a fucking sheet.
maybe i just a loser, really doesn't matter to me. it never did.
as a friend always used to say...."amar chera geche"
by far one of the most volatile one liners in bengali, it expresses a variety of emotions. frustration, anger and i suppose the most blatant one is the don't care don't give a fuck- thingy. it gives a lot away, the words we use, about us.

everytime there comes point at which you know what is coming next, the choice being do you play your cards the way you get em, or do you wait for a better opportunity, one which is more convenient. i now know why i suck at uno. if you have a fucking draw 2, might as well play it rather than wait for the reverse to come so as not to hurt the one you like. hoye na. its always been everyman for himself, the guy in front who gives way to the old lady and that young brat, he always dies. always.

2009-10-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

i wish i go to sleep today and wake up when i am 70, only to die a painful slow death.

was with an old man as he talked his way through

2009-10-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

i was at jyoti babu's house today
with an old servant of the government, i had no clue i has headed there,
so when the driver asked where, and a loud deep accented voice barked back, indira bhobon, i was...where!? and i think i jumped a lil when the driver too replied with shock.... jyoti babu'r bari!?!!!!!
at that moment i knew i was in for a ride, a very interesting ride.
this man, 83, full of faith and cane to steady his wobbly stride was on a mission. he was from agartala, tripura. he spoke all the way with a loud muffled silati-bengali-mixed-with-an-awkward-english dialect as i cursed myself for being sober and not having the slowmo option, oh how dearly i missed it. i tried to grab most of what he said. to my knowledge he was verifying with me, the politically correct khisti chitter chatter he hoped to do with mr.B, this mr.B. so in a way i was being asked on what mr.B would eventually get to hear, not good things mind you, most of it was directed criticism to the steady decline of power and the stupidity with which the reds marked themselves with red tape.(most of them went way way way over my head, so i nodded along and gave the voluntary grunt of approval) all the time himself being a red fanatic, staying true to the color from what i gathered, old school. so anyway, this and that we were in front of the house, the cops tried to verify who we were, the man took all the attention. talk about taking charge of a situation, i was at awe as he gave another official's card and with the ease with which he was let in. i accept the manner was wrong, but clearly he has been there, done that, z level security, bah humbug. i heard him apologize for his apparent loud rudeness, as he said, his father too complained and he explained it was the reason why people feared him. i was looking at my newest role model. well not in the way that i would change into a dhooti, but i was like wow. we breached security, there he was taken to an ac outhouse where he'd wait for mr.B to wake from slumber. the security were like who is this guy, and this is the one who apparently recognized him and escorted us in. heh. we weren't allowed to leave the old man there as planned. the name on the card was phoned. they knew who he was. they politely came and said, sir is sleeping, and is sick also, fever since last night.
we left the house with the same poise with which we came, i got off after a while, the last thing i heard was raj bhobon jabo.
i foiled that plan. but i think it was for the better good.
all this with a joint in my pocket.

pujo 2009

2009-10-05T00:50:00.000-07:00

in short

back

2009-10-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

so i be back from malda
it went well, not as bad i expected
a sister is getting married, the count down is on again
saw the time ticking, old people getting older
a whole week without internet :) more importantly farmville
india has really been hit by draught
global warming is catching up
the heat this time around was just unbearable, to the point that ac's in mud houses was seriously discussed, as in seriously no joke, sounds funny but honest
pictures i will put up as i settle in again
the future for paton seems grim, no new faces
old ones are quickly dispersing quickly
one good thing is friends are welcome, and have come in the past
everyones changed, in a good way
or maybe i just grew old
mama'r shamne diye mod er jogar, sigh, and i don drink only
smoking up on a field next to a batch of banana trees stinking from the fertilizer
actually not being able to count the no. of stars in the sky
to almost seeing other galaxies
playing 29 with the kirton ppl and the boli man
unknown people calling me "bhagnay", and many toothless smile
awestruck by the awesomeness of the zippo
someone told my sister, bhagnay nei, theek jomche na
heh, sigh
this is the only thing that is certain
every year, it going to happen, with or without you
but the end does loom, its scary
i want my children to experience this
its a reality check,
for all those who bunk it, its a huge huge loss, jack asses
but then there are those who'd chop off their hands just to be here but still can't
this is my Christmas, my thanks giving, onam, rath yatra, ganesh chaturthi, kali puja, holi, this is my festival. my time to get back to my roots, and give adda with the people who ideally should be your friends your family, your close ones. time to get back to all the missed opportunities, mending bad ones. its my time. my time to spend countless hours in the pond

the wrong side of the quarter

2009-09-18T04:26:00.000-07:00

so i am 25 right, not the good side either
check this, i am still buying shorts and and the reasoning is what i find entertaining, i just got back the train of thought while relieving myself, but unlike other days it didn't do away with the flush, so the deal is, i explained to myself, rishi dear boy you need nice half pants for formal occasions.
when rationality returned, i was left wondering, half pant for formal occasion?! wtf
where did that come from, i sometimes wonder when i will eventually grow up.
but the deal is, kore ki labh aache, tsk tsk
70 year old men tell me dirty jokes, but we laugh with equal vigor.
for the first time i might not be able to go to malda this year, but some how i am not that saddened by it. i say it now. but things are not what they were once. man i miss my mom. dad ta fau, hee hee, i like him too, but mom, best defense is a solid offense, and she is like the mother alien in the alien movies. :D

sleep

2009-09-02T22:58:00.000-07:00

sleep in so elusive these days, you try to induce it, go to bed just as that drowsy head gives its first bob. some days that is enough to send you to slumber. other days, its just a lure to all the chaos. sometimes i see everything in fast forward when i look for lady nidra. this use to be a permanent problem in college, then i suppose nidra and i got along. i miss those days. i have twitches and cramps. it feels like you are tied to the bed. i roll over again and again, the sheet shifts, almost sweeps the floor by morning. breathing problems also, like there is a stone on your chest and you are desperately gasping for air. sleep was such a joyous thing, a passtime at one time, but now its feared and dreaded. a good sleep makes the difference you see, it all depends on which side of who's bed you decide to get up on that decides the color of the day, and of late, my days have been, the earthly-murky-dark. i see a woman try to fight for her life, but also realizing there is no point, blaming her age rather than her lack of eating habits. if you could drink the water for someone, i think this world would be a better place. have you ever stared at a light bulb, which is flickering due to the change in voltage, it dims, you can see the red filament, then faintly glows again, till the generator runs out, and you lay there is the darkness, close your eyes and can still see the red coil glowing. i enjoy life, well now i do, i can't bear to see people pulling out of the race, you can take a breather, but do finish the lap, you are on the track already, one foot after the other. i dunno whats wrong with me, or is it i dunno whats right with me. all i know is things don't look like they are getting better. i hope i die young. not that young, but young enough. there is too much sadness at the end of the journey, i have seen enough on my way there, i just don't cross that line. independent and alive, dependent and dead. there are fucks, then there are clusters of fucks, that lil stretch at the end is a carpet fuck, i hope i don;t have to deal with it. with bunker busters and heat seeking stingers. abort i say abort.

2009-08-31T04:30:00.000-07:00

some would say i throw tantrums,
sigh who am i kidding, i do i do i do
i want i want i want

2009-08-28T01:32:00.000-07:00

life grinds. its like two sand papers rubbing against each other. the noise you can't stand...the friction is overwhelming. the pain is bearable. the defiance is not. you complain till the point you know nothing gets through. you stop uttering the redundant lines, as if it was already not enough. if you try to move the pencil with our mind and it don work, well it don work. no matter how many minds no matter which pencil. its amazing if not hysterical. as in its past the point of cribbing, now its only regret. you have a picture in your head, but realistically it never lives up to the actual scene. disappointment i have been the one to cause generally, but when a disappointment is disappointed, heh, it is just plain sad. so i have no complains no qualms, nothing, just nothing. rhetorical questions i have had enough of. now i don't care anymore.

trapped

2009-08-26T03:27:00.001-07:00

jai hind

2009-08-14T23:17:00.001-07:00

for the lil ones

the un

2009-08-12T23:28:00.000-07:00

we set out with a particular vision in our minds. all of us initially started with the save vision. as time passes by and you look behind you, beside you, the crowd seems to diminish. it is only natural. with growth, necessities change, those standing in the same queue, now move off and find lines of their liking. what started out with a crowd now is a feeble number of known individuals. its better than not having anyone behind you. but the thing you will learn is that, those who stand in the same line as yours tend to push your boundaries more and more. bend but not brake.
i don't know what to do anymore, somehow lost sight of the vision i started off with, everything is front is gray and so much noise, distortion. all there is to do is to wait for the dust to clear, that is if it clears. there is no way of knowing what will happen, and how it will happen. tolerance is at an all time low. the times demands it. wasting time in this era is frowned upon.
its
uninitiated
unnerving
unfair
unnecessary

track of the ah fuck it, play this : i have a dream

water

2009-08-12T02:05:00.000-07:00

water they say is the best cure. drink lots of it. it takes care of the system for you. keepin it real....keepin it clean. that was when water was pure.
purity, is a concept long gone. a filthy race. gluttony sloth pride greed, heh lust oh damn lust, envy for the most parts and wrath really dosen't matter if you are involved or not, its a participation thing. attendance compulsory, participation must. willing-ness is a non issue. its in the contract. fine print, invariably int he lines we choose to skip.
i haven't spun like this in a while. all this after about 6 liters of filtered filth ridden waters. oh what goes into the rivers and streams. so while i sit here head heavy without thought and feeling, i try to compute if the water will eventually clear the system which i believe i have a mission to destroy.
pandemic is when it happens all over the world, and believe you me h1n1 is the least of your worries. we all fall sick. i generally have been able to cope with it. but this i think is the new shit kicking in, we evolve, we all evolve. its not hit me yet, but its only a matter of time, only that day i felt a tremor, oh how i wish there were ghosts.

erosion

2009-08-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

a new building goes up. loads of work, lots of confusion. life goes on. the new building gets its first rain. the sun belts down on it. the people that admired it at first, get used to the colossal structure. they too come to terms with its existence. spits and garbage everywhere. its taken for granted, its there, not going anywhere. the years pass on. the foundations weaken. erosion from all directions. then an earthquake comes. the building is no more. people remind themselves of the fading silhouette. fading none the less.
life goes on. the sky-scape changes. life goes on.
if building could walk.
i'd go up to the oldest one of the lot, sit on the steps. ask how the landscape changed. smell the musky dampness. fill the lungs with asbestos. search for the cobwebs. open drawers that haven't been opened in ages, then smelling the fingers, that rusty smell.
the problem is, people forget. a new shiny ball is not so new and shiny as time passes. its not just me. its us. same shit different asshole.
its not good that this year is full of shit and assholes.

collapse

2009-07-30T00:35:00.000-07:00

luck was made to run out,
time was made to catch up.
blessed with circumstance
cursed with existence.
lost without a direction
reason without a cause.

thought of the day : i am my dad's atm :(

sleepless

2009-07-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

i have been having dreams lately, i no like dreams, they are either good or bad. hence i like to sleep it through. i can't sleep. i lay down, tired arms and legs eyes almost closing with drowsiness. but as soon as i get on the bed, the aches start. i roll over and over again. all in vain. 30mins-an hour of all this charade, and just maybe i will fall asleep. mornings are not so good either, there were days where i could sleep till 11/12 no issue. now a days i by 9-9:30 i lay eyes wide opened and the head filled with blurry thoughts.
sleep is my best defense, its the coping strategy.... but i have lost touch. as you grow older i suppose there are more things you worry about, lesser the sleep gets.
with so many things going astray so many things yet to do, there isn't much time left, i suppose its the tension creeping in. i remem the last time i felt like this, 3rd semester and my attendance was low. i was worried as i am today. i dunno what i am doing, why i am doing things............ i just hope i figure things out quickly. i can't live like this anymore, its not me. its not me.

bite me

2009-07-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

this year has been a test, and it still aint done. the viva portion will start at the village. the increasing number of old people on networking sights is frankly frightening. i think there should be a different version of, say face book, generation wise. see, generally in the bengali tradition, pujo is the beginning of a gossip festival, and when you are cut off from the city in a secluded farmhouse with rooms made of mud, there is little you can do. if there is one thing i gave grown to learn wrt to the family, is how to cover my tracks. these people are a school of piranhas. never enter the water with an open wound, them buggers can smell the fresh blood a mile away, and it take a few seconds to rip a man to shreds, its in their blood you see. sigh, the sad part is, this is the only annual vacation i have, i look forward to. but every year there are conflicts, every year there are people who don come just to save face, save a confrontation. sigh. the politics. this is the first year i am not looking forward to this escape, which is not good, not good at all. when you have to check everything you say and fit your words very delicately, its not fun anymore. and the deal is that this coming generation are also being inducted in the same, blame game. its just not cool. but since i am a slippery one, i do like to see them fishes devour the stupid ones. heh, dumb asses. for 5 years straight, i have been teaching them how to veer clear of the big fishes, but all they do is offer themselves as sacrificial lambs, i mean how hard is it to answer a question in one sentence. you don back your answer up, with undue false and highly unbelievable lies. it gets too obvious. sigh. better to see them crash and burn, than myself.
i have not normally approached things with a plan of attack. well never mostly. but as long as you keep in mind that yous the one attacking, alls good. now to every fight there are two components, the battle and then the war. most people start celebrating right after the battle till the sky falls on their heads, and they don even come close to finishing the war let alone win it. there is initial success and then the sustained kind, the kind that stays there for a while. at the moment everyone i know seems engaged in some form of war. raging it is, like wild fire, contagious even. i used to sit back and see them buggers belting it out. but sigh... its coming this way, everything is. i miss old times. the times when all you used to do is watch. accountability i am afraid of. i just want to get to december somehow, you know, finish what ever this year has ruined. make plans for the next year to crush. heh. when it rains, one generally finds the first shade to keep dry, but when there is no hope for the rains to stop anytime soon, you have to get out and get wet. but then there are those who wait it out in that shade. its those people i don like, its those people i am scared of. i hope the rain stops, i don need the sun, i just want the rain to stop. i am drenched.

reality II

2009-07-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

heh, what a day. what a day.
you think you have heard it all, till you hear its all over again. once i was barred for a week over some stupid juvenile shit. but hey, did the crime, payed the time.
there have been two kinds of people in my life. unfortunately both the types have judged me, its the way of the world. the difference is, one party's view i respect the other i abolish. them be the ones that have called me an addict, the others that have dared to think about it, but never utter it out loud. respect is something you have to give to get. i dislike a very few people in my life, but there is a finite domain, covering those category of people. its a domain that my venn diagram never intersects. so what happens to people there. no idea. its as if asking me if pluto is a planet. i don't care.
be nice. thats what people tell you to be, parents try to embed that into you cranium from the day you are born. but what they don't tell you is, there is a fine line, a very fine line, beyond which people take you for granted. the first time being nice back fired you don't remember, because that first experience threw you off. but since that day, you keep a record of what you give and of what you get in return. as the days go by, the ratio gets worse. its only when we hit puberty do we realize, that niceties should be kept for people who are deserving. i some how feel that i have a world of meanness to deliver for all the nicety. its never worth it. you think it is. you make yourself believe it is, but it aint. proof you get in due time. it all gets laid on you like a fat man buttering his toast. all greasy and repulsive. what do you do when you are not mean by nature, do you go out of your way. i think yes, i think it is logical, it is after all survival, and why should i sacrifice myself. the fact of the matter is, you are born alone, and you will die alone. the whole human gene, is wired to seek company. to seek people to share happiness with. suckers we are. man is a social fucking animal. true that. true that.
sigh.
why don we treat different people the same. why do we make exceptions. a chor is a chor if he/she is not related, but the same person becomes a victim when relations are involved. we are told that, we must make an effort to understand. all fucking charade. i will admit to being wrong about one thing, i thought people are different. but they are not, all of them are alike. all. no exceptions. not even me. same shit, different asshole. when this harsh reality hits you, its like the wind has been knocked out of you. you try to gasp air. but ja howar hoyegeche. this shit don go in reverse.
this life is crazy, its not worth it. nothing is. expectations are made, just to be broken. feelings are mended just to be torn again. esteem is built up just to have it be trampled over again. its a circle. you fall down, get up, fall down again. sometimes you get someone to help you up, then see them trip you back down, nunku chutia, mod khawiye lang martish. sigh. roy pore geche, haha. but how long have i been down man, how long do i stay down. i have been getting up from falls all my life. on my terms. not anyone elses. my terms. its my life, and i chose to live them on my terms, family and friends influence you, not me. my parents have realized that fact the hard way, hence there is no leash anymore, and i will be damned if i ever have one. i have stuck it out all by myself these years, and if i have to do it again, i'd do it without the slightest remorse. one man, one road and one rule, fuck the world, cause its sure as hell is going to try to fuck you.
just remember, if you do the crime, be prepared to do the time. thats fucking karma.

reality

2009-07-25T02:44:00.000-07:00

i wanted keema today, saw it on some show, dhaba he went to, and keema
i cooked keema
thats now.

so while it cools down, i shall talk a lil,
reality is i can do all this, because i learned how to.
i wanted it, with time and practice i can feed myself, feed myself good. there are only so many things you can do when you live alone. people think living alone is easy, it is in ways. but there are times that the emptiness gets to you, oh it gets to you. i have numbed those feeling the best i can, not by doing things i am particularly proud off, but cooking yes, i am proud. i am good, heh real good. it takes the mind away, crucial time aram se pass hoye jaye, times you would have spent pitying yourself, you try to estimate how much salt to put it, how to get that flavor.... that essence...that texture, thinking out ways and things you can mix, things that the bengali mother would never utter to mix, just to get it that lil extra perfect. it is my vice. one out of the two, the other is dark, but there is balance. i have a unique taste-bud-to-brain-remembering ratio. i don't forget taste, i acquire it, register it, and all i do is keep cooking till there is a match. is it that simple, no. but with enough fuck ups, you'll get there eventually. its what keeps me sane, i already have daal, chicken, roast chiken in the fridge...... lots of leftovers, but i still cooked chicken, why............ cause its what calms me. keeps me from wandering off.
i dug my hole, i dwelled in it, i don't think i got out, am getting out, will be getting out..... who gives a fuck. i know this, that hole started out to be the end all of things, unless you find ways to forget that you are in a hole, cause face it, even if you do....there's a deeper hole, a darker one..... its there. believe me its there. move on. shit happens. it will happen, you can't run away from it. you can run away from a particular shit storm, only to be met head on with another shit storm. so why run from it, i say you know the shit storm you are in, the others you don't know anything about, so why not stay merry with the shit that yous got, cause atleast you know what you ate to cause the horrible indigestion of massive proportions. i walked away from my house once, dad had said, ja.... so i went. three houses down the line i realized, what the fuck. i can't do this, i don have the means to do this. running away is only good if you know for a fact that you will never go back, never under whatever circumstances, wind rain snow or sleet, fuck it.... if you turn away don't look back, because those glances back will cost you heavy.
keema, heh, my head is keema...... and it tastes nice.

#include
aah fuck it, you get the point, infinite for loop of shit wad. get over it.

the last thing you do

2009-07-21T00:20:00.000-07:00

whats the last thing you do each day.
i mostly don remember.

i remember that i wait for it. when you live alone. there is no schedule you follow. you tend to somehow fit in as the time passes. there is too much of time on hand. there was a time when i use to wait for all the telephone calls to finish, and then sit for dinner. a movie perhaps. then the calls started getting later and later. and it doesn't help when your parents live in america. the time difference just sucks.
i hate eating alone. hate it. hence i put it on hold till the stomach goes, dude food...food food. what i hate more is stopping in the middle of a meal and talking on the phone. i am not the kind that munches while he talks. so as my mouth blabs..... i stare down at the hot plate in my hands.....and slowly feel the warmth go. as the conversations switches from subject to subject, i think of lowering the fan speed so as not to render the food cold. slowly but surely, i put the plate on the floor..... phone on ear.... stare at the food, the cold food and sigh.
reheating the food, sigh, reheating that half eaten dinner.....again. you get this flash, your life, stale as the food, cold as the daal...... and as meaningful as the fly that does the rounds of the plate.
you still live life as per others boundaries. waiting for calls. taking care of that first and then yourself. is it sad when you come second, even wrt to you. i mean, is it ok that you yourself put yourself at number two. all the time. everytime. over and over again.
and this is just the 2 mins in the microwave.
the plate goes round and round, you hear a faint sizzle. and then you wait, cause you have over heated the mother.
life is not cool. its beautiful. its a lot of other things...... but it aint cool. i sometimes want to explode, i used to once.. but now i don know the degree of destruction i will cause. once you are on a roll you are on a roll, you don really care what you have in your hands, you just throw it. hurl hurl hurl.
i have stopped waiting these days. i can't anymore. and honestly, the care factor has become more complex. there is this state of constant contradiction. live today to fight tomorrow, is what a friends motto was. poor thing, neither is he living nor is there any fight. so yes, i shall accommodate, not vacate..... accommodate.have momentum, so build the same and then jump on. cause there's no stopping anymore.
no more waiting. no more.

insane in the membrane insane in the brain

2009-07-14T01:52:00.000-07:00

hmm,
hmm hmm hmm
so my brother has surpassed all of my expectations, i know i have trained him, but i trained him to be a GI on earth, and the dude's moon walking on the moon, different planet all 2gthr. heck gravity still applies. what goes up must come down. i chose to leave america when i was in class 8, choose, yes it was my choice, that same choice was given to my kid bro just the other way around, he went to america in class 8. lots of things i missed out, do i rue about them, yes..... do i wonder what could have been, yes. do i regret is..... no. so where was i, this sibling of mine has already chalked off half of my bucket list. and by the looks of things greater things are to come. i remem my mom got this palm reader once, he looked at both our hands, after mine he said......hmm, porishkar...kintu onek koshto aache, koshto debe. then after my brothers hand, all i could catch that....uff, ie chele ta tope (cannon)...... then both of us were promptly whisked out, for mom to get to the more serious questions. i always wanted to know the answers, but now i think i already do. the lil one is far more tenacious than i ever was, will be. i some how envied what he had going for him, his attitude mostly...... eh. but yeah, i rather rule him than be ruled by him. so ego back on full throttle. poor boy tries to pull a fast one on the old bum, but heh...... been there done that. not at the same age as you are doing it, but done that none the less. this younger generation are fast, they catch up so quick, they fall get back up, and bite that ass and won't let go. its scary. i think evolution skipped a generation, and some how produced this mutated smart mothers..... relentless lil buggers. and its an epidemic of infinite proportions...... lil attitude driven lil punks with smart mouths and an insatiable appetite for arguments and are programmed to do exactly the polar opposite of what you tell em to do. for example lets take sexuality, we were (and this is like generalizing....) born confused (lets say) and then we adhere to the orientation of our fancy. but these new ones are born bi, confused is not in the dictionary, then they move on to one single road, multiple roads....and some prefer to fly :D
somewhere on facebook say khoks write, i am on acid :P
he is not, that i know..... but what strikes me was when i was a munchkin ...... of almost his age, i thought acid was hno3, h2so4.... stuff like that. i knew lsd, but acid is corrosive. chem 101. sigh
where have we come to.
internet is powerful, oh so so so powerful. name me one thing you won't find on the internet. one thing.
you won't find a soul.
slowly we, our younger counterparts are becoming more like drones..... letting go
we need soul. i need soul. soul soul soul.

In mathematics, chaos theory describes the behavior of certain dynamical systems – that is, systems whose states evolve with time – that may exhibit dynamics that are highly sensitive to initial conditions (popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). As a result of this sensitivity, which manifests itself as an exponential growth of perturbations in the initial conditions, the behavior of chaotic systems appears to be random. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future dynamics are fully defined by their initial conditions with no random elements involved. This behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos.

ok this is a lil late

2009-07-07T12:30:00.000-07:00

you did change the world,
you did have and impact on this world

so yeah *respect*

There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me

the real slim shady

2009-07-03T08:00:00.001-07:00

cnn ibn,
this is what i see
momota giving her rail budget. pechone eminem er real slim shady.
i didn't think i'd live to see this day.
we are living in times of change,
this shit is whack.
note to self,
this shit really happened
oo and dida baba ke kaal first khisti-ish mereche. heh.
times of change

indecision

2009-07-03T01:47:00.000-07:00

sick i am.
the throat pains, damn tonsils.
was discussing with a friend that this time we live in is a time of change. the country is going through so much. there is bound to be struggle, not just as a country but as a nation with the world's economic peril. this is like making the silver lining, if you can't find any. distractions are very few and come by very seldom. you'd think people would get used to this state. i don't like medication. the prescribed kind. you have to follow a schedule. follow is key. i hate that. so many conflicting thoughts occur in your head, when in reality you should ideally not be thinking at all. being idle is like a cure.... a curse too. nothing is going well. nothing. nada. zilch. the environment is also kinda slowing down things to make the bad seem worse. i don't look forward to questions anymore. because there is no answer. and even if i had the perfect answer, it wouldn't suffice. so why bother answering to matters that you don't control. dark dark times ahead. dark.
i hope this throat aches go away soon. the smoke isn't helping. never did. bah. just coats the truth, softens the blow, takes the edge off, keeps is real, tints the glass............ the works. shadows is where i belong. shadows is where i should have stayed.

religion

2009-07-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

yes, i shall rant about religion. the pros are, it gives you something to belong to.... gives you social status...gets you friends.... for one, i like religion, i like have roots to belong to..... everything is so messed up that yes, sometimes religion can be a good distraction.
lets now shift the conversation to god, mr.G aka prick aka man with the last laugh. god god god, one heck of a guy, and i know its a guy and not a gal cause, if god were a woman.....ektu maya'r bhaab dekhajeto. so god is man. and self indulgent. i bet the guy was bored..... some nebula's and stars he was playing with..... and pooof came man..... for the first couple o times i suppose we were like pets... a lil pat here and a lil pat there, we'd be happy. then god grew a conscience..... and we grew horny. where there were say 13, now are 13million. poor guy, might have just gone to take a whiz and comes back to a booming infestation. i bet he was looking for a baygon/raid/hit ka phus phus can, but i guess god didn't invent everything. stuck with his science experiment, he was. what to do what to do. this whole bunch of people he was not ready for..... not expecting.
but the best thing god could have done, and probably mistakenly also did, was make us "humans" in "his image", this means we had lil o god in us..... not the power say, but the creator mentality. the destroyer mentality. the sustain-er mentality. we were mental. then us human did something that put god off the hook for ever. we invented new demi gods...... cause one god is not enough.... he needs his minions...and not everyone has the same god..... how can we.... we look different... our gods should therefore also look different. so we go, our god is this..... they go our god is that, then there are some that say... our gods are those.
mr.G see this opportunity, full on skirmish. he made us look one way, and dissolved in to the other.
aah fuck it.
we are men. humans i mean, left on this planet to survive. yes we need things to hold on to. customs to carry out. that part i like.....wearing the sacred tread, yes its scared and yes it is also the best scratching instrument ever made. ever! i mean it. sacrifices are made...... people now go.... oooo you should not have killed that goat for a sacrifice..... not cool anymore. has anyone asked the poor old goat, that was probably any way was going to be slaughtered for food, now it has a reason for its death other than gluttony. its death has some meaning. and that mother was fed royally the last few days. i am not saying sacrifices are cool.... i am just sayin if the fucker was going to be hacked, might as well get something out of it, am sure the goat wouldn't mind...... isn't it the survival of the fittest.
i think the time for god is at an end, i don't mean it in that way. its just that i have much more faith in certain individuals than i have in god.
we need more such individuals to steer us right. but first we need to purify ourselves...... i have seen people who are shit scared of god, thats cause they did something to be shit scared about....... so for them if you take god out of the equation....you also take the guilt out. people mostly deserve what happens to them. and if they don't they learn from it. everything has meaning. it must. but tai bole hore ram hore krishno....... uh uh not happenin.
i am a conflicted individual. i have do stupid pronams as i pass a mondir mom used to pronam at, and i wonder do i do it because of god, or because mom used to do it. i do pujo on durga pujo. but most importantly i know when the fault is ours, rather than blaming it on an all powerfull duche.
so god..... i get you, i don believe in you per se. i see you have mind tricks going around, unfair...... but when have you played fairly. so yeah, go off to another planet and start it all over, and see if you can get it right this time.
cheers

june

2009-06-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

what a month.....
what a month.... at times like this you know god is the nerdy kid with the magnifying glass taking his anger out on a selected few ants..... god, heh.
what if one day this duche walks up and says..... dude, i be god. i know what i have done to you, but you must understand tough love.... i will stop him there..... will say.. hey man.. no worries... you gotta do what you gotta do.... pat him 2ice... hi5 him, and just as he turns around to walk off..... pounce on that mother and give him the beating of a life time. saala. tough love. i'd like to smack that god till his teeth fall out. they say hesus died for our sins..... heh, guess who is in payback mode.
i loom over my grandma at night. just to make sure she is still breathing..... its not helpful when sometimes she gets up and finds me in the darkness... my nose against the moshari..... i scare her hehe. she thinks i am mad, i know she is mad. what an equation. its come to the point where everything is in a loop, and you don't know if you are caught in it, or if you started it.... bottom line you are in it.
the future seems dark..... gloomy you know. i generally could figure out where my ship is headed..... i lost bearings a while ago.... then came the storm, then another, then the sun belted down with all its fury..... now the clouds are playing aankho me choli..... now you see me now you don't.....
i read somewhere that there was this famous architect who was designing a library.... he wanted to make it the best ever...... he pondered over it day and night.... months on end.... didn;t stop to eat till he got that exact image in his head on paper..... long last his creation came to life.... it was magnificent.... people were all like....wow, what a piece of work..... clap clap....pat pat
the next day the building collapsed...... the smarty archie didn't take into account the weight of the books..... and all the kings men couldn't put it 2gtrh again. sigh.
we build ourselves to withstand everything..... well almost everything.... there are so many things we can't account for..... so many outta the blue, where did that come from - things.....things can't get possibly worse...but they do - things, where the what the - things, just things is general. too many to deal with.

A squirrel in the tree is he watching me
Does he give a damn?
Does he care who I am?
I'm just a man, is that all I am
Are my manners misinterpreted words or only human?
I'm human

Murderous crow, hey what you know
What you reading about, what you hold in your toes
Is that a twig, are you a dove of peace
A black dove undercover, with another puzzle piece
Are you a riddle to solve all along?
Or am I over thinking thoughts of human after all

Only human
Made of flesh, made of sand, made of you and me
The planet's talking about a revolution
The natural laws ain't got no constitution
They've got a right to live their own life
But we keep paving over paradise.

paradise is lost, unattainable, a dream, an escape, an hour, a min, one bloody second. where are we.....what are we supposed to do.....and why oh why.
sigh.
lost i am, and getting used to it.

coo coo ka chu

2009-06-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

have a nice life, and move on. sometimes its easier to run away than to stick it through. you stick it through, always wondering what it would have been like if you escaped. after a while things don't get to you anymore. you have heard everything there is to hear, said everything there is to be said, seen everything you can possibly see and then there are things that you dont need to see to acknowledge their existence. questions and only question hover, not a single answer in sight. implications and consequences cloud every act, every step. we strive to find difference, uniqueness..... sometimes we get more than we can chew, what do you do, spit it out, gulp some water...... choke!?
what do you do when you know that every step you take/have taken in life is a wrong one. all you do is take wrong turns, not even cyclic redundancy, just the usual long lateral fuck.
i dunno what i am ranting about, but i know this, you get out of the ditch, fucking fall back into it, get out of it, fall back.......... when is it enough. what do you do when you are not used to it. people don't understand you, they don't want to, but they try and fuck it up all the more. thats what we humans do, give ourselves, even if we are absolutely unwanted, undesired, and unimportant. this whole life is spinning outta control. happy thoughts are like spotting shooting stars on a cloudy night. no matter how hard you try, there still the friggin clouds........ that shroud of darkness.
i have had it. but i can't stop it. i dunno if i should laugh or cry.
mother nature us also out to dab salt into gaping wounds, the sweaty kind.
i know the biggest mistakes in my life, i keep playing them in slow motion in my head, frame by frame..... sec by sec.....its haunting.
i stop and ask what is happening, people have so many versions of it, not one can you relate to. not one actually offers any solution. but wait. there is no solution. heh.
the bright side eh, look look, thats a train.... you are in a tunnel and its heading your way. coo coo ka chu.
dad had said the easiest way to make money its to become an engineer. i should have kept my head down, i should have followed, there is a reason dreams are dreams. i should have kept in line, just like everybody else, nothing is against the system.... the system is all. even neo dies in matrix. i should have been a drone. a fucking drone. coo coo ka chu.

post distress post : like a mini wtf was what that rant about

fuck the drone
i want the throne

coo coo ka-faqin-chu : live life dont let it live you. power to the people \m/

pokapok

2009-06-14T23:41:00.000-07:00

so, india are out of the T-20, that match i saw. the one they won i didn't. i don follow too much of cricket, but i thinks dhoni is pond paka a lil, where was utthapa(dudes any day betta than this jadeja), how can you not play ifran khan.... and then how can you play ishant sharma......sigh.
that bollywood actor raped the house help. ki sad.
australia te full on bawali cholche.
i mean aussie land was besh nice. cool and friendly. things change, i guess. i like the fact that the desis there are going old school and rioting their asses off. good for you man. stick it to the fuck bags, an eye for an eye don always work, but its get the attention. beating up ppl for the color of their sink is stupid..... beat him up if he spits paan er peek on your crotch, but not for nothing. i mean, look at the world.... it is slowly but steadily turning, we will all be eventually brown man. i mean already the brown population is like poppin..... we will fuck you at some point in time man..... just a matter of time..... world domination was written in brown man... not in white. heh.
anyways....religion is kinda scary. humanity is the only worth while cause. people help each other. then we should also help people.
things now are kinda in overdrive as far as life is concerned. zip zap zoom. things will settle down soon, we'll get some time to breathe..... sit back and bask again. only to sigh at most times, but its still better than chaos. people around me are pillars i suppose. you are the company you keep. its what makes you. i am glad i gots good people, not sane, not normal, not bland...... but pure.
sigh. lets pardy.

sigh

2009-06-08T02:49:00.000-07:00

you know the times when you take the easy way out, only that turns out to be more tedious and complicated than the actual problem.... sigh story of my life. the vacation is bummed. i can't stand the heat.....is so friggin hot.....nagging it is. rain rain rain.

sing along

2009-06-04T07:26:00.000-07:00

The Dynamo Of Volition

I've got the dynamo of volition
With po-pole position
Automatic transmission with lo-ow emissions
I'm a brand new addition to the old edition
With the love unconditional.

I'm a drama abolitionist
Damn no opposition to my proposition
Half of a man, half magician
Half a politician holding the mic
Like ammunition
And my vision is as simple as light.

Ain't no reason we should be in a fight
No demolition
Get to vote, get to say what you like
Procreation
Compositions already written by themselves
Heck is for the people not believin' in gosh

Good Job
Get 'em up way high
Gimme gimme that high five
Good time
Get 'em way down low
Gimme gimme that low dough
Good God
Bring 'em back again
Gimme gimme that high ten
You're the best definition of good intention.

I do not answer the call if
I do not know who is calling
I guess the whole point of it all is
That we never know really

I'm tryin' to keep with the Joneses
While waiting for guns and the roses
To finish what we all suppose is
Gonna be the shit so sue me

Oh, fist like pumping and wrist lock
Twisting up a rizla
Kid Icarus on the transistor
Nintendo been givin' me the blister
I bend over take it in the kisser

My best friends are hittin' on my sister.
Try to tell them that they still wish-a
Cause she already got herself a mister
And besides that's gross to want to dis her
Didn't I say, Didn't I say

Good Job
Get 'em up way high
Gimme gimme that high five
Good time
Get 'em way down low
Gimme gimme that low dough
Good God
Bring 'em back again
Gimme gimme that high ten
You're the best definition of good versus evil

I do not keep up with statistics
I do not sleep without a mistress
I do not eat unless it's fixed with
Some kind of sweet like a licorice
My home is deep inside the mystics
I'm known to keep diggin' on existence
I'm holdin' in the heat like a fishstick
My phone it beeps because I missed it.

I do not answer the call if
I do not know who is calling
I'm making no sense of it all
Say, can I get a witness

I'm only a boy in a story
Just a hallucinatory
Trippin' on nothing there is
Living in the wilderness

With a tiger spot on my back
Living life of a cat
I just wanna relax here
And write another rap tune
Driving off on your blind man's bike
You can say just what you like
Or nothing can stop you

Good Job
Get 'em up way high
Gimme gimme that high five
Good Time
Get 'em way down low
Gimme gimme that low dough
Good God
Bring 'em back again
Gimme gimme that high ten
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best
You're the best

Good Job
Get 'em up way high
Gimme gimme that high five
Good Time
Get 'em way down low
Gimme gimme that low dough
Good God
Bring 'em back again
Gimme gimme that high ten
You're the best definition of good intention
You're the best definition of good intention
You're the best definition of good intention

You're the best around

kabooki

2009-06-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

thats what i see my life as....
that day i was pondering over buying tomatoes over tomato puree..... why, cause of the price.... heh
life is weird........
my head hurts.......i don feel so well.... but eh.
ooooooooooooooooooooo "head hurts" sigh.
we need magic and luck..... lots o luck.

barca sigh

2009-05-28T01:12:00.000-07:00

well i always liked henry, thats why i liked arsenal, ishh....arsenal... they win the games they are supposta lose and lose them that they could have surely won.
as henry is in barca...... thankfully i am barca all the way now. ki khele uff modhu modhu. the manU sould learn how to pass from these ppl.
people have stopped bloggin.
i have had lots of time to myself again, like old times. i likes. i should start editing pictures that have collected. its just that there are so many pictures.... i take them not edit them. sigh. sleep which had been abundant at times.....has now become a luxury. a very hard to come by luxury. sigh.
dreams have started to fizzle out, we get used to the monotonous grinding of life and what it has to offer. we forget that we had plans chalked out, things to do to escape this madness..... things which we did which we thought would take a lil madness out of the equation..... but in vain. being happy is good, but it seldom stays that way. we trade a moment of happiness and go back to the gloom where we were originally from. we know this gloom inside and out, after all this is the place where we flourished so many years...... the thing is we know what to expect and how to deal with gloom..... the thing that is uncertain is happiness... we always ponder... how long will this last, how worthwhile is it. humans eh, never satisfied with a single state of existence. the more we get, the more we want.
i have again started to hate the mobile phone again. its a figgin gps so far up our ass.... that even if you shut it off... you live that particular day, only to succumb to the next. i thought living alone will help people forget about you, but sigh...we live in an inverse world. its never what we think it should be. indifference has become the new standard of living. people save 5 bucks only to spend 50000. i am just glad to have a family who trust me more than i trust them. this is sad. but its true. i have a lot of work to do in that respect. i dunno. i want to get away form it all eh. 15 days of traveling work is what i need. (not just one.... many). like go to kelera..... take some pictures for a hotel..... sigh. fizzled them have. sigh.

shubi-bi-dubi-dooo-whop-tittydo

2009-05-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

so, i have been busy. yes busy, a word that i don generally associate with. attended a rally for the hiv+ve... the indian govt should really work towards awareness...treatment....better treatment and just knowledge about the matter. its world wide phenomena and it not the end of the world. things have gotten better. we just need the govt to help teach us, there are plenty teachers...... approval is key, i say nod your head....cause thats all you do, and thats all we need i suppose.
anyways, a good meal is not generally a fancy meal, but you need one of those fancy meals sometimes..... that i think is one of the biggest advantage when you have someone to share it with. single people do miss out on some under rated or over rated stuff..... stuff none the less. make a life, not a living. song has been key for recovery. i have nice songs, better times ahead. some tiered some worth it and some where you just want to get home and call it a day.
i have money. not mine. money none the less. makes the heart happy, the stomach full and the good times aplenty.
sing with me.

oh i almost forgot, meet professor.... the circuit man

2009-05-11T04:51:00.000-07:00

so so so,
the US elections got me 40+ comments..... heh pretentious bastards.... so how many of the "i dedicate my profile to obama" mothers of fuckers, dedicated their profiles to the more relevant (for us indians) indian elections....
i say... if rahul gandhi headed the laal brigade na, uff... kotha hobe na.... the guy has got ishtyle..... almost as charismatic as me.... chele'r talent aache... bhul party head korche.. :D
family man.... fucks it up for you.... hee hee
i was not going to post this, but i think our indian politicians.... the ones that stare at boobies.... and the ones that don't need some applause... i might not agree with half the scum bags.... but the fucks have dedication..... ei gorom e chamar ponti kora ta is a talent..... jagge
vote or don vote..... i really can't tell you much.
this i can tell you.... ki i think this time..... the people might get their voices heard....
cheers to the vote chors..... cheers to the jonota....
and a hug for momota.... it was worth a shot babe.... :D

i hate this weather!!

2009-04-28T04:23:00.000-07:00

i hate it i hate it i hate it.... i wasn't going to crib about the weather this time. honest. but the friggin heat melted my chocolate bar on my table... just behind the lappie.... made a puddle of chocolate on my semi dirty table..... i licked it off none the lessdripped on my lappie ka keys.... licked em em off!!!
had it smeared all my hands.... licked em off..... hot chocolate this be. sigh. i turned around i was alone. alone licking off chocolate off my dirty hands..... with a huge guilt ridden face.... and a heart that could not take the heat anymore....
today was the day rishi roy wasted some chocolate. he tried to salvage as much as he could whilst cursing the heat under every breath.....
i have been hurt today... hurt i say
the heat made my chocolate melt away
i long for the rain...sprinkles of water
but all i see is the sun, the air getting hotter
oh how i long for the smell of earth so wet
tomorrow is going to be hot, no rain i bet
:(

rain rain oh where art thao rain

2009-04-22T02:05:00.000-07:00

there was a time when rain was the kolkata thing, along with the lingering humidity thing. but now.... the rain has evaporated..... the humidity has occupied the space left. sigh. i haven't complained about the weather like this ever.... i mean i have cribbed. but this is like nekami....and i hate nekami. i now think that i would have been better in a dead end job, no ambition....... just the friggin ac.
sigh
i think life is gettin to me again. i have to remem to keep a journal, cause i think this happened the same time last year, and i dont remem it.
i need a gun. to shoot myself. this is what i'd do, take the gun..... fill it up with ice cold water and shoot my eyes out. for those of you who didn get that, i was referring to a water pistol, look up holi.
i want to go to chicago..... where the parents are.... its cold there.... very cold...... sigh.

april

2009-04-20T00:26:00.000-07:00

sigh. april. it hot hot hot hot hot hot.... one hot woman i gots to take picture of. sweating she was...poor thing...... and me too btw (poor thing). the skys are empty i say....empty and the earth drier than a 70 year old woman on her second menopause. what is happening........... this can't be global warming, its global melt down. i mean if people before us fucked it up for us (weather wise) i mean we too should fuck it up too, right. its the order of things. lol. no but seriously...... all you fuckers releasing cfc's into the air and fucking it up for the rest of up..... stop it. or buy me an ac, and pay the bill also. or invite me over a lil more. you know sharing.... thats the real order. humanity. but on a true eco-friendly manner, i will give preference to a pool rather than an ac anyday. i do care about the environment. i want some rain. oh god please make it rain.....pretty please.... if not for me, then for those poor kisans man, for their crop...... and as you spray them with heavenly rain.... just spit a few in my direction.......not buckets, rather a lil lil shower.... like i was here, for not that long..... but here. that smell i long for.... the smell of wet earth, you know the temperature will drop as soon as that smell finds its way to yer nostrils.......

the bird is awake............ the ac calls.... aaaaaaaaa ceeeeeeeeeeeee,
adios loco pandehos.......

kolkata

2009-04-03T00:55:00.000-07:00

well back to the city, not with a bang, but back none the less. sigh. the weather is just mad, M-A-D mad.... its hot, sweaty, did it mention hot. dilli was cooler..... temperature wise. i kinda now think a lil more time in dilli wouldn't have hurt. leaving the city never comes to mind. but when you do get a chance to get away from it all...even if its like a shit pot like dilli, the change is well worth it. met old friends...... went to humayun's tomb, purana quila and matka pir. will we grateful if some one actually knew something about the last one. its just one whack place with matkas on the tree. my uncle says ki them matka's be full of alcohol and then drained at the base of the tree and then the matkas hung on the branches. (i don believe the whole thing). ooo dilli airport e the remaining time i was going through the dutyfree shops..... sigh i just wished i had my passport on me. sigh sigh. what bargains i missed. chivas, glenlevit sigh the works. all there for the taking. russians seems to be the big thing in the capital. seems the ruski's get it on everywhere. and if one were to believe the ruski's well, then aishwariya rai was a poor bihari woman, who slept her way to the stop. and by sleep i don mean the snoring kind. kinda ironic when the ruski's givin you information on someone's sex life during sex..... i mean this be pnpc to another level....and its not just us. bideshi ra o pnpc kore. ki sad. hee haw. my desk top is kaput. so most of my work is now being done on the lappie. and i hate windows vista......just hate it. xp did me fine. too much show on this one.
had one of those same ol friggin lame ass jacked conversation with the uncle. i still didn give in. these people who have closed their minds off are dangerous. they try to convert you, preach to you. 24 i be. big boy by most standards. its just that you wish that friendly uncle never was friendly and was just the uncle. i do appreciate their wisdom, but not when its miss directed. tell me what to do in life, not who to or how to get it on. thats my job. getting it on i am, and i shall. this gyan thing is dangerous......if you give it, you must at times get it. but there is always a line...... i prefer staying zonked and seeing things from there.

i just realized, 2 days i gave this post. sigh i am 25 now. 25 :(
2-fuckin-5 years...just like that...... woosh...gone lost, forgotten..... what now what now

dilli airport

2009-04-01T05:41:00.000-07:00

i be connected via wifi baaabeh, dilli international air port e. ki cool this is. i be downloading porn and bones and so many other things....ki illegal. i lowe this feeling. i gots some money in dilli. i have spent already. well not all of it. coming back to cal reminds me how much i lowe the city. its just the smell. i just hope the weather changes..... not the weather even, the humidity. sigh. hot summer days are generally spent in the bird's net. nice and cool it is. its time for sleep overs again. yay. jagge. i like.
will be home soon. yay. kolkata airport e saala wifi na thakle jhul.
cheers

dilli

2009-03-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

i sat at the same garden where i started taking pictures, my uncle would call me mad : i had the camera on me 24x7, tying this that, taking pictures of plants, insects, whatever moved, cast a shadow, had color, untapped beauty. this is where is all started for me, this and the last bit of college. i just have a better camera now, more modes to occupy my mind this time. this visit does feel like a vacation. i dread coming to dilli, i do. its the last place i'd wish to go given a choice, but its nice here... in the campus. i think the weather is that has got me, i expected scorching heat, but i got a nice cool breeze. the kind that requires that light razaai. aah bliss. the best part is that i get to have my morning tea in the garden. that bit i really liked, like. very peaceful-calm-serene. i like :)
i feel happy. which is good. i am taking pictures. which is good. i miss calcutta. which is good. sigh, miss the lil things in life, but you know you have them to fall back on.....aar ektu, then home :)

2009-03-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

happy frigging birthday

2009-03-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

i ain't hatin.....
another year : GONE (poof)
addiction [check]
life [?]
music [check]
confusion [check]
laydh [double-check]
sanity [check-ish]
pain [check]
burden [double-check]
friends [check]
foes [check]
colour [check]

worth it [check]

ah frig it....... life eh!
cheers

sigh

2009-03-05T00:02:00.000-08:00

i haven't taken a picture in a month. a friggin month. haw. that just sank in. its not that i don want to, its just that i haven't got the time (which is bull shit), there's been a lot on my mind : the other house and shit all.
i think i am the barir go-to shrink. heh ondho kana ke poth dekhaye. the lil brother isn't lil anymore, big problems he be causing....apparently that is. spare the rod spoil the child i say. but younger siblings get away with stuff you never got away with..... sometimes you sit and wonder 'if that had been me, in those days, wham, mom would have corrected the obvious'
i don blame her. khoks got her 9 years after. she used up most of her strength on me, did mom. its sad when the mother complains about the lil one, one thing mom always reminded me whenever i was abroad "living the white people life", she would give me the stink eye and say, "barir baire amreekan, bari te pa rakhle bangali..... nahole mere tomba uriye debo", the brother never got the stink eye, all amreekan he has become. i think somehow i am to blame. told him a lot of stuff that he should have learned himself. you never expect your brother to be a complete opposite. don get me wrong, we get along better than ok, its like a constant mind game with him, who's smarter. poor boy will have to wait till i grow old and then he will be finally smarter (or so he'll think). lets just say he's the kind that if you give him an inch, he'll stretch you a mile. its what he is good at, and its what will have against others.
dad's been mumbling like a mad man, its cause khok's don take his shit, a father has to shit right. chete chouko kore daye. bok bok bok bok bok bok. its insane, but entertaining, khok's dosen't pay him heed - the guy like to converse so i indulge him, him be dad and i am the only one who can take his shit. its fun trying to prove dad's wrong (dosen't happen most of the time, but when it does, i don let him forget quickly). its just sad when your mom complains about the desi turned firang lil brother, i admit he was a lil white when he was born, but i thought i had put enough bong in him to sustain the fucking amreekan teens....... but sigh 16 is a bad age in that country... you have to do what you have to survive...... i just hope he dosen't forget where he comes from,else i'll have to beat it into him (not that i mind.... but the dude is taking wrestling lessons and is already volume wise larger).
what a family

2009-02-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

how do you give solutions to a problem if you have never faced it. you can try. but some how you know it'll never the mark. problems come one after the other if you try to run away from the first. i suppose rash decisions are made with haste. you need time. you need mind over matter. some things are just petty. they just are, can't be helped, move over it, around it....dont step on it. there is this feeling inside that suffer from.... you know when things are supposta happen, but they are not happening.... i try to give momentum.... you know inertia to get things moving, but some how i still feel that i haven't moved an inch. its high time. i have had too many free opportunities, done nothing. distance covered may be a zillion miles but the displacement is nil, nil. nothing to show for 25 years of existence. people say, oh you, livin an ideal life, against the the system. heh, one should try it first. it sounds better than it actually is. you lie through you teeth, see time go by, min by min, sec by sec....... while you do nothing. there are plans, there are dreams, there are schemes...... nothing will happen... never does. i am mostly to blame. i know. i hear you. heh. fuck eh. 25 i will be twenty fucking five. there's a reason i stopped celebrating by birthday...... there actually is nothing to celebrate. what am i going to be happy about.....another fucking year gone without a fucking trace...... again nothing to show for it.i feel i am kidding myself.....all i see are posers..... everywhere... i complain i bitch, but why.
i think i am the poser.
life just sucks man...............fuck this shit.
i like no pressure....no responsibility....i need to put my life in perspective. too much talk no action....thats me. its sad but its true. all i do is yap yap yap yap yap yap yap
fuck-a-doodle-du

2009-02-24T12:45:00.000-08:00

i have started liking change. now i want more. i dont want to jinx this. i want it. its time. it is. sigh.

departure and arrival

2009-02-15T23:20:00.000-08:00

so, mom left, the grandmother left. alone again. i like it. the "solitude", it calms me..... i have again got back to the way i live. i got my routine back. lots of things are going on in and about. life's probably not on the right track but i am facing the right direction. i just need to get moving.....fast. money seems to be the problem. it comes pretty fast...the problem is it goes away faster. march promises to bring a good time. i am quite looking forward to it. the sunday counseling sessions are going great..... it insightful and a means to vent. like minded individuals if not all, but there were nice surprises.......the whole deal challenges me in a cerebral way. what better to test your skills with a shrink, whats better is that there are two. i am in a way studying to be one o those profile-dudes, like on criminal minds and bones, cool stuff. its like a super power to get inside someones head and mess with them. hee haw. not that i would....... intentionally. i got gate crashed yesterday , thought only one cous was comin....... but the whole lil league showed up. i hope i never ever have to ruin another sunday writing movies and pictures for kins. sigh what a major waste of time...... mostly. i have got myself a pipe. only tobacco people.....sheesh. :P the thing is the tobacco smells so good...so good. almost like a perfume, if i could smear it all over the body, i would. oh dad will be coming 21st....this 21st. i get to see parents in installments. which is cool...... you get to exploit both of them separately.....heh, sigh i sometimes make my self crack. this other house deal has got me up the wall. concrete evidence, apparently aint enough to swing a case your way. we watch too many legal shows........ i have dreams that i am disputing the property case like in boston legal...."danny crain.......still undefeated"......
indian courts, they take time and bribes, then some more time....a lil more.... come on its only time..... achha ok 5 more mins....2?! aah forget it, you all have no patience.... its a civil case..... go forget about it the first couple o years.... and then we'll get back to it...... it be like nothing ever happened.... brand new. mother fuckers!
our lawyer himself said, and i quote, "we too are crooks, crooks that follow and understand rules......civilized crooks if you may"
have you ever felt that vein on your head pop......0i just wanted to smack him silly. "ki bolli....(thash-boom-bam-kapaow-zing) abar bol"
sigh what a year, what 23 deaths?! is it bad if you can recall all the dead bodies you say this year?! they don't haunt me. i just see them when i close my eyes at times... you know hoping they spring to life....share some vital info and plop back dead. you know like " oi....i hid 800k under that tree, beside that fence on that lawn..... take care of it"
you all think i'd be shocked, scared...... no no, no no no no no, i be cpr on his ass to find out which tree, which fence and which fucking lawn.
sigh if life were that easy, it is that crazy, i just lost out on the easy part.

i want to be a treasure hunter. well a pirate. i will keep most of it for myself. first help yourself and then go being robin hood. i will be a kind and ethical.... yet coldblooded and ruthless buccaneer.
all hand on deck you vile filthy vermin's..... the winds be sweet and the sea calm.... set sail for tortuga.....where's my rum!!!!!!!!!!!
this is my story na, single malt.....where is my single malt!!!!!!!!!!

end of book fair and fome fun

2009-02-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

killing 25

2009-02-05T08:40:00.000-08:00

i have been tagged on facebook
but my haart stay with bloggers..... this is a place where a lot of things happened... good and bad.... some bhari mishti if you know what i mean and then there was that bitch on obama(who personally went and ogled {like our Indian counterparts[supposedly]}cause she had no intellect to share) ..... sigh good times good times
i like blogger

so the killin 25 eh....

1. my mom dressed me in a frock (i was only a year old...i pulled it off :P)
2. i am vane.... very vane....blatantly vane even
3. i spend like a millionaire but don have cash most of the times (literally)
4. i am scared of expactations... cause once you meet em there are new ones, those achieved be forgotten lest we fail...then it is immortalized
5. i have one weird family....... and i am being nice
6. i suck at commitment..... not just generally
7. i am sensitive......weirdly at times
8. i have been writing "i am".... you fill in the blanks
9. i make excuses.....a lot of them..... sometimes just for fun... like a story
10. although i may seem knowledgeable, i am most of the times clueless..... but you dumb asses will have to work hard to get me :)
11. i am an addict (of sorts)(very grey that area is... refer to point 9)
12. boy am i lazy
13. i like shiny things, not too shiny... just enough
14. i am a puppy :) i am i am, otter too...... wet and hairy
15. i have a receding hair line...... but eh.... i think a lot...head gets warm (point 9)
16. have i a mole somewhere around my "wink wink" area..... i don bother checking it anymore though
17. clearly i go off topic a lot.....
18. thums up is my vice
19. i want to be responsible for my death.... rather than dying under unknown circumstances
20. i am a fair and almost honest person in a very very dishonest world
21. i am confused..... all the time.... momentary lapses of concentration
22. i am a bad car driver..... not that bad.... am still working on it :P
23. i forget a lot... a lot lot
24. i was shy .... once
25. i say eh too many times......guess that means i generally don't care.
cheers

weddin season

2009-01-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

19thjan

2009-01-18T22:03:00.000-08:00

my freewill has been taken....
i feel like a kid again...
mom is home :)
so is mashi.... them both be eating my head... but i like... i miss
i be washing dishes and cooking....
one word of advice... don learn to cook/tea in short anything that other people will make you do.... cause once you know how to do..... your fucked.
you just have to do and do and do
but i feel my home is a home again...and not just a house i go to sleep in.
move in move in
sigh the things i miss
mothers are pet patla....and a friend told me once... the only difference with my mom is she leaks information in front of me.... that way i can manipulate the truth if i wanted to ...thats what mom says.... and add's ....its better than doing it behind your back..... sigh mothers..... how much i miss this chaos

life man

2009-01-13T22:15:00.001-08:00

i remem i had wanted to go to mashi's house, during my cousin was swingin..... so what if she had a problem with mother.... i didn have a problem with her.... and she dare not speak up to me..cause generally i am the boy who sets the standards......maybe not to educationally speaking... but everything else is my forte... i reign. this is not pride.... but aftermath of my struggles. i remem tellin mom...."i off with tut's to rani's house"..... mom's like "NA!!! jabi na....uh-uh...noway not happenin"...
mom she is.... i said hutt, your sister eh, you have jhamela...not i. so i left with the cousin. half way dad calls...... see dad is the cool one... the one i look up to... like me... he too is the stupid one.... the bhola one.... but my point is...the dude i not always serious.... i picks the phone and he says one sentence that left me standing.... "you are not old enough for me to give you reason....whatever, you will not go to the house...got that"..... i said yeah...whatever...
but what got to me was the directness of the command.... it was strange for dad, not always the authoritarian. i was taken back..... it seemed too strong, coming from dad, generally mellow he be. i did give slack, he must have had his reasons.... i know he had a handful.... but he must have more. i left it at that. i accompanied the cous, left him right in front of the house.....

that uncle died yesterday.....
my mom reasoned to go to that mashi's house, yes the same one
my dad called to re-affirm my participation........
in short......5 people, the same five who did say, no-never, called to say the man is dead.....and loomed over the phone..... they expected me to say....oh i'll go.
sorry frig-turd, i wanted to go but i ain't gonna say shit.
in the end however .... the biggest frig-turd (me) did end up going..... not to the house.....but direct to nimtalla ghat. i have never been to a cremation. i remem dad going for a few... i always wanted to come. never allowed. now that i am a big boy, i get to go....... because i'd be representing dad.
seeing the dead....seeing the dead. that was what was in my head..... i stalled as best i can....on one hand i knew i was getting late..... but with the other i was making my emotion stick. i reached the ghat so see a cousin brother cry over his dead fathers body..... a brother who i have never seen cry before.... i saw family who were there just for being there........they were eagerly discussing the wedding coming up......fucking pathetic. they were asking me shitty question..... which stopped once they finally got the expression on my face....or if that didn't work the slight agitation in the answer. one amongst the "mourners" said..... and i shit you not.... " ki good luck, time e we got here...look at the line of bodies coming in now..... thank god we came early and didn't have to wait"
fuck
fuck fuckitty fuck fuck
what is wrong with people......
in 45 mins......i saw 8ish bodies come, that too, just to neemtalla....staggering the amount of people that die.
that same not-wanting-to-wait-mesho have me a telling off cause i was hovering around the crematorium while the dead mesho was burning and looking at all the dead people...... i turned around..... the evil eye...... that fucker was the one who said come to neemtalla..... i picked up a dead body and kinda shoved it in a fire... and he was telling me not to look at the dead people.
these bongs are crazy.......
the ashes were then taken and ceremonially put in the ganga..... right next to which a young changra wiped his ass, just after taking a dump right in front.
we went back to the house, the house i was forbidden to enter. people went off soon enough. i went off a lil after...... they knew this day was coming..... i knew it.....now that its come...i have done what i have....and thats it

people called minus mom and dad...... asking what happened and all..... i didn answer..... i know why i didn answer.
the only reason i had to go there was because i ahd to be the eyes and ears for other. its ok if you are a UN rep, but if you are in a bong family..... that position is not a respectable one. atleast not for me. i will not divulge any information to anyone of that day. in detail i mean.......i will not answer a single query. that was not why i was there...... i wasn't getting information..... i was trying to pay my respects..... what ever i had left.
i was told to sleep with a friend....someone's house.....have all the lights on at home i were to be alone.....yada yada yada. ghosts they said..... heh
i am already haunted by humanity, supernatural things are the last of my worries. we are our ghosts. our insecurities and our conscience. rid the ghost within...and then look for skeletons in others closets.

happybirthdaydadforwhatsitsworth

ode to parents

2009-01-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

i mostly complain about them..... bitch about them... all the negatives
i would like to state
a) without them i won't be here (literally)
b) without them i won't be where i am
c) without them i won't be where i want to go
d) without them i won't be able to enjoy it when i finally get there.
i have been a bad son, mostly, well ok-ok in the long run, but i would never want to change my parents. i am what i am cause i saw them at it....at life.... givin up their own dreams to fuel mine...ours...
life man.... frig
life. in a different world i would have changed certain things, but not them, not their wisdom, guidance, whack ideology.... the package.
i just wish i could do more. i hate this feeling.

eh....life
this will be the day, when i look back and say..... "thus he started and never looked back"

2009-01-06T01:49:00.000-08:00

twenty rupees and fifty paisa.... he actually counted
two samosas,with chutney of course and the small thums up, in hand..... he looked at the car. dented a little.... scratches caused by general stupidity.... the tires kinda worn out... makes a noise in first gear..... reminds him of the stone that the car didn't go over as it was supposed to..... assests. the car, the house. all are of value. thirteen bucks for the cola and samosas. all he could think of was going and tasting a lil phuckha.... it was just around the corner...... but he couldn't see it.....he knew it....but didn see it..... thats why he didn spend the seven rupees fifty paisa....his last..... all because he didn't see it.
you know that saying..... jump when you find the window.... well he had his repaired. set him back on a morning which he had pretty much taken for granted..... half asleep he saw exactly what he wanted to do..... where...with. pretty much remember every detail if you ask him now. but you gotta catch him before he does his cloud-thingy. very hard that. he himself has tried and fell short.
he'll sit now.... in his room. his room. curtains half draped.... but new repaired windows. for the first time he'll actually recollect where he spent what that day...and why. he'll ponder for a while...... rid the seeds of doubt and the sticks of disarray... dissect the situation way beyond measure.......light the diminishing flame inside again
and smoke the mother away
and thus starts the new year......
fuck money fuck assets fuck family fuck me

happy new year folks

2008-12-31T02:21:00.000-08:00

i plan on enjoying
come what may
bring it on i say

the jinx

2008-12-26T10:07:00.000-08:00

you know there's a jinx.... you always know... you just don think too much of it... eh so what right..... heh
never say its a good year when the year is ending.... by all means go all out on the start of the year..... just leave out the last month....
or... or suffer.... i jinxed..... oh how i jinxed.... i knew i was jinxing also... was warned..... but heck..... i feel lucky.... you know when like everything is like going awesome..... just right.... you go and say the thing you regret the most....
sigh
i can't say i didn't see it coming..... had a feeling..... you know that gloom you get..... you know something is up.... smells off.... that shadow you see....
i hereby declare my mind is my greatest enemy..... too many thoughts ..... them buggers have caught up with me again.... had lost them for a while.... now am planning my next escape..... the dots are back i see
its just a bad day..... bad bad bad day.... sigh
i aint sad..... just hysterical..... i mean whats the point right....sad eh.... too much hassle that..... laugh it off... and forget.... which too will be my doom
god is the only one in heaven cause the dude had no family...... i swear cause if he had family..... he would have sinned ...either knowingly or unknowingly..... it don matter....cause when ye gots family.... you'r fucked..... no really... either way... f u c k e d
bah humbug........
so moo and my fellow humbuggers i say salute..... to the god of fuck!
so on the count o three..... we say "oh ...."
salute!

merry christmas

2008-12-23T23:01:00.000-08:00

ello people...
my lack of bloggin is due to work (finally i gots me a legit excuse) i be besh happy as the year winds to an end... lots o people be sad.... don lose faith..... it gets better, does life..... but most of the time it sucks..... hence you should make the most of it when there is that incy wincy bit of happiness.....
this week i took pictures.... a lot of them... like i used to.... sigh
how cool is it.... i get payed to do this shit..... as pointed out, sometimes i forget i be photographer..... i do, get carried away
but when this feeling comes back... i be all happy
christmas aint all that for me... but this year i gots people to celebrate with.. to share with.... i like that bit
i am not a gift giver ( i do give gifts...but not on occasions, more when i feel like it, but it seems this year i feel a lot lot) you always spend on yourself.... feels good to give people things....
i remember the secret santa in college..... the one who turned scrooge..... sigh good times man good times..... as the days go by it seems the past fades out.... somethings you just have to hold on to.... remember and cherish....
if it weren't for the bad times..... we'd be sick of the good times
so forget em worries on this day of celebration..... just live.... for one lousy day.... just one.... say fuck off to the people who need tellin off.... and partaaay

cheers and stay safe...... don't trust any duchebag with a santa hat....

music

2008-12-12T07:28:00.000-08:00

damn. i could never play an instrument...... i could once tho.... nothing flashy ... i wanted the sax.... would have settled for the trumpet.... alas all instruments at the school were issued out.... i played the french horn.... aye the french friggin horn... i played in an orchestra you see.... played symphonies and ballads .... won competitions with the band..... it was 40 odd students... i remember the teacher mr. dobbeck ......could play every friggin instrument and hit every note.... pretty cool teacher he was... participated in a parade .... played a cow bell :( .... honest to god.... i was sad.... why does the indian have to play the cow bell you think.... but it beats that gay triangle thingy.
so anyways.... music has been very close to me.... can't play shit... but heck i understand it better than most people..... so boo hoo :D
i remember in college i was the music bearer... the one who brought not only new shit... but original and different shit as well.... i be one o those who'd give a lecture on being asked what my favorite genre is.. or of sorts.... i listen to different kinds of music for different.... people have been influenced.... i have been influenced.... the best thing about music is that it doesn't need language... it needs rhythm.... people say rap oh... different means rap... sup sup... kewl
its so lame.... you don even feel like defending it... its not worth it.... for people who don like rap.... its ok... don mean rap sucks tho.... lyrically they are a mine of knowledge.... besides nothing gives a better boost....
but anyways music is music... it lifts moods.... bring change and underlines issues... some just are spiritual....some happy some sad....
i was not so good mood wise.... but when are we eh.... along came a simple song.... in a foreign language.... you just vibe.... forget... suddenly it feels good. music does that for me.... this did
and i share music :)

2008-12-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

i had kfc today...it could well have been my last kfc with all ten fingers :(
i nearly chopped off my finger today.... i mean i believe in karma and all.... but this is personal ... ever been hurt so much that the pain just goes away.....its just not there anymore....
i nearly lost apart of a finger today... still i blog.... but since i know its to get sympathy... its all worth it.... shower me with lowe :D
but really.... it hurts..... got a tetanus shot ... not good.... the dude looked at me when i flinched... i suppose he didn' expect either of two things....... the flinch....of the tattoo..... its a reaction i guess... specially when its a doctor.... just that kid across the counter.....
it throbs now.... i be on antibiotics.... fingers eh.... my life
ow...

for all those gore fans....i include the picture.... its pretty nicely concealed.... do get in-touch for more blood :D

hmm

2008-12-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

i sang the national anthem today..... after a long long long long time, it felt good. i remember the words.... i thought i would have forgotten.... but no.... word for word i remembered. i stood still for the first time..... still as in still..... no itch to scratch.... so shifting from foot to foot..... still. i wanted to and for the first time the body didn offer any opposition. i remem in school.... the anthem going on.... we be standin in line....talkin about the match yesterday.... or the coming test.... or that girl in tution...... not this time..... this time the head went blank...... not blank blank but no irrational thoughts..... none what so ever.... just the national anthem.
its sad when i realized that for this to happen a national calamity had to take place...... i felt guilty.
a week has passed.......the bloody week before still resonates i am sure in most of out hearts. its good to see people talking about it, even if they be joking...... realization is the first step. people deal with shit their own way..... some laugh it off cause thats their coping mechanism..... some like me. i get hysterical. i ideally would not want to say i am afraid........... i am not afraid....its not fear, its concern. i feel bad for those kids who we have dubbed terrorist's . poor kids ...brain washed by extremists to fulfill the so called attacks that the extreamists themselves don do. i mean where is it written that you kill innocents to get back at people at fault. where is it written that you leave a lil kid parentless...... where is it written that murder is right.
i have many muslim friends.... and family. i have had enough conversations about islam... about many other relegions and faiths. and if you really look carefully.....its the same stories with local characters and different environmental settings....oh yes and the language is different. the moral of the stories are basically the same...... be good and good things will happen. have faith. have hope. love. be loved. its simple....... the meanings get lost in translation...... deciphered wrong and then force fed to the willfully deranged.
i am 20+, i know what we are like...... we are a lil ignorant.... a lil lost and all geared to have a go at the world. these cowards feed on the young...... its the innocence they are after. i am 24 i still don't know what to do with life.....what it has in store for me. i am a lil educated ... a lot well informed.... i can survive anywhere in the world provided there are people. the main thing is ... i know right from wrong.......i might be stupid, ignorant and crazy...... but i know what should be done and what should not be done. i suppose thats the most improtant lesson that life has to offer. and what happened was not right. what america did was not right. what we are doing is not right. what the politicians are after is not right.
we blame the media.... yes i still do. but if it were not for media.....the cries of baby moshe would not have reached so many ears. if it weren't for media..... these resignations would not have happened......
everything has good and bad in it...... we have to use it properly.
we have to develope a conscious first.
thats the first step.

i be kickedddddddddd

2008-12-01T03:07:00.000-08:00

(victory dance)

(and again)
now now...... people i need you to do this
go to.......... make history .... search for the entries.... click people click .... with me so far?!
now search for "music is me"
that sir and mem is a picture taken by yours truly :)
vote!
obama won.....now help me! vote deen vote deen

i be super kicked......

sigh

2008-11-28T09:12:00.000-08:00

its sad to see young people throwing away their lives in something so stupid..... i don't think its rite to loose your life for something this meaningless and devoid of principles... reason and humanity. the sad part is that this will stop but not stop will it..... its been a reality show on tv... and i admit to being hooked..... its just overwhelming..... its chaos
jagge to add a lil colour i had to divert my mind..... and i did this

back

2008-11-25T06:53:00.000-08:00

my return was not what i had expected
my trusty computer....that withstood the 60 kmph tumble to the edge of the teesta cliff is finally showing signs of "wear and tear" (touch wood)....... she has been a true companion ...... i have treated her bad.... infact horribly come to think of it..... the 80 gb hdd still works..... but oh how i used to play catch ..... take it from comp to comp..... she was my movie theater..... my sound dock... undoubtly had the best vedio collection in college....and music too..... oh college.... i remember when she came.... all black.... sad speakers....very sad ...but then pujo was coming..... that would be taken care of.... she was the best looking and best performing for her time...... reigned the college with spunk..... oh the many time i re-installed windows on her..... 3 times a week.... 2 times a day.... she never complained.... she took it.... she knew it was good for her..... the countless viruses and worms i hand picked off of her.....just so that she'd run smoothly... for all the troubles i gave her she showed me the blue screen of death only 3 times.....
i re-installed windows today..... it was sad
soul sucking..... left me feeling drained..... unworthy and distant
the old ddr's have been replaced with a 1gig ram...... and windows will now run on a dedicated 40 gig drive.... i should have done this earlier..... she still didn complain.....
i have kept her thru my hay-days..... and i hope to keep her some more
she be my computer......my first love
i never let anyone touch her.....smooth talked her and used the utmost of delicate touch..... minus the spank here and there ....she liked it like that
did i mention i had to change the power supply..... in layman's terms paati heart transplant .....
she runs.....she'll run

she owend f-503 "hallowed be thy name"

off to orissa

2008-11-19T08:26:00.001-08:00

i be happy :)
shout out to the bird!!

and i thought the trip might seem dull
life eh

thats one!

this life

2008-11-17T23:29:00.000-08:00

hmm... choosing a title for a post is very unfair.... we think of starting off... do the title justice... we try to make sense of what we initially set out to write.... forget, fumble and ramble on... sigh. so where was i, ...ah yes i have started to think again... what i mean is think too much again. i woke up singin today..... literally. its the mp3 ring tones i tell ya..... keep ringin for the whole song. so i woke up singin.... kinda freaked me out when i finally figured i wasn't singin... sigh i would if i had a voice tho.... senti hoye gelam :D
winter is coming... i like winter.... i like the gloom the cold the smell of winter... i relate to it. i haven't complained about living alone for a while now. i suppose i have gotten used to it and then i remind myself i be not alone anymore.... before moo starts moo-in.... you know i didn mean it like that *mirch* *mirch*..... its just that i am distracted...in a good way. my house...i look at it now is messed up..... really really messed up. i need to fumigate it i think..... what all crap i keep. i complain about having no clothes..... but heck 3 of my 4 beds are dumped with clean/not-so-clean/definately-not-clean clothes..... not to mention the sofa's the chairs.... its like a bomb went off. i feel at home in the chaos..... i can still find things in it..... takes a lil more time but nothing goes lost.

well anyways..... i will be off to orissa soon..... so a blog sabbatical is in the cards.... it started of as a vacation i thought i'd look forward to..... i still do... lil.... i want to go and aw..... but
sigh there's always that but...... you don know what its for..... but.
life would be simpler without the buts and what if's ...... "but" if you look at it close... these words are what free and limit us..... if - i have maintained is the stronget and most powerful 2-letter word on the planet. it allows up to dream.... to think of things we wanted to do "if" shit woked out a different way....
if i win a photo contest
if i become a hot-shot photographer and bleed money
if i figure out...why oh why am i here
if i had dedication along with talent
if i had drive

but bu oh oh oh oh....the but

but there are too many contestants
but almost everyone has a camera...
but i am already here
but you don't get everything
oh-but-ter-fuck i have got drive

sigh: i hope orissa does it for me
as for the rest of you all..... sigh cheers cheers.... life man... this is life

too lil to live for.....too much to let go of.... eh chera geche sigh

sing for the moment

2008-11-14T00:02:00.000-08:00

In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum

They say music can alter moods and talk to you
Well can it load a gun up for you and cock it too?
Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude
Just tell the judge it was my fault, and I'll get sued

That's why we sing for these kids that don't have a thing
Except for a dream and a fuckin' rap magazine
Who post pinup pictures on their walls all day long
Idolize their favorite rappers and know all their songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in they lives
So they sit and they cry at night, wishing they die
So they throw on a rap record, and they sit and they vibe
We're nothing to you, but we're the fuckin' shit in their eyes
That's why we seize the moment, and try to freeze it and own it
Squeeze it and hold it, 'cus we consider these minutes golden
And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone
Just let our spirits live on, through our lyrics that you hear in our songs
And we can

------------------------------- 3E

mr. ghosh er bari'r pujo

2008-11-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

my esteemed non political friend mr. angshuman ghosh..... invited me to a very indian pujo.... me being not indian.... wanted to go and get my indian on... and i went :D
these be peekchars
and i shall stick to peekchars :D

it was on like donkey kong

2008-11-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

phew.... i thought i'd never get to use that line again.... incase i gave forgotten to mention.... this be my blog spot... mine mine mine mine mine
waaaa
debo na.... bhaaak saala :P
its my blogspot and i can write what i want to .... and you can't stop me
sticks and stones.... boo hoo
i try this.... i'll try to sum up in one one word

sad
insane
very stupid-moronic and blonde ( so i cheated.... act1. roy's blog spot : i cheat )
out-of-proportion
bawaal (full)
hypocritical
rash
.....am i really doin this :D

clap clap.... i have also veered

pictures then.... thats where its at :P
good show

hmm

2008-11-03T11:23:00.001-08:00

yeah ...initially i didn't write anything..... but now i gots me a lil to write about...
see *respect* to obama and all.... i know the dudes the dude..... seen a lot of his campaign.. well not a lot..... but enough for an indian..... see what i don get is why some ppl one facebook and other sites are all "vote for obama"... i mean all american ppl writin, that i get..... what.. oh what excuse do you indian have to fucking write "vote for obama" when that fuck's never voted for an indian election. i mean what is all this crap man...... i honesty have not voted for any election... aye i am neglecting my citizen's duty..... but i am in my way a lil fair....see i haven't issued my voter's id card....cause even if i do..... my vote will get fixed.... and i know this for a fact.... my dad's voted 6 years in a row..... only the first year did he leave the house to vote..... the next 3 he never left the house.... still "gave" his ballot....the next 2 he's been outside india..... still voted... so i rather not register ..... one less false vote i say that ways...... but but but.... i toh have never followed politics.... a lil but not enough to choose who to vote for... i mean the decision when it comes down to it is pretty difficult..... and i know enough politics to know the democrats are not pro indians.... but like it matters..... bush fucked it for all em republicans..... but but.... if you are an indian and never voted in india and and and are concerned about the american elections..... go fuck yourself .... sideways.... you lying piece of shit no good resident indian...... i hate posers... more than politics...... keepin it real is where its at....... look for the fuck ups in your own house before you go cleaning other peoples mess...... sheesh ship these ppl out man thats all i can say.....

chalo brasil chalo

2008-11-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

ehh

2008-10-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

life is good.... or something like it.... never jinx something..... never.... things seems slower now... which is good ... of late things were pretty fast...woosh and all..... zip zap zoom.... you know the feelin.... i have changed by not changing so much also.... it seems confusing but i suppose thats the only way i'd be able to explain it.... although... on the fly it'd be more like...... i've been offered refuge in a sanctuary ... rather than a cage of sorts.... there are boundaries but you know them be far off to see.... and i like it in here.. a lot lot.... you know beeg outdoors.... luch foilage.... rain the works i tell you.... its good ... good! it could be better....i shit you not.... all i need is to gets me some money... sigh... i gots the time... not the money.... life is weird like that.... can't complain tho... atleast not now... :P

2008-10-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

this is how i spend my puja's and then some more ...... life be good lil at a time

random clicks

2008-09-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

the only text i shall text is...

gravity......don't apply to people like us..... and by us i mean a huge circle o loons
D'antiG club i'll call it..... how ironical

confession

2008-09-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

i have never confessed before..... but i have been inside one o those things...... and sigh that be another story...... i was young then.... hee hee
that sounded mysterious.... i'll have to come up with a worthy story to match
hmm
so i be back for a while and i have sinned ...a lil..... only a lil
see i gave my net provider........ who will not be named :P... a cheque which in all probability will bounce..... i mean the chances of it clearin are lil..... hence the lil sin-in part...... for the slow ones.
i just realized i have to pay another 2.5K which my daddy dearest said he'd taken care off... well he got me again...... sigh..... and the strange part is... its not all his fault.... but he's my dad ..who else will i blame..... :P
hmm..... i gots me car back.... but no much money for gas.... life's like that i mean i remem when we used to have ciggy's and no matches..... and gettin matches meant forefittin the ciggy.... sigh .... harsh times..... you get thru it...... you always have a vice..... now i gots me a catch.
luck i don like so much.... i mean i never had too much of it..... i don like time per say... but i accept when things are going good.... and boy are things going good... my fridge be full of zeeshan and nafeel.... so much so ki it feels so so good...... good deal i got...with he food and all.... life pretty good now.....and chances are it just might get better....... i have taken pictures..... but don feel like puttin em up just yet.... will do tho
so for all those who are losing hope....there is still a lil in it for a feeble fight.... i mean what else is there to do.... its so mundane these days...... wait for it
and for the lucky few.... lap it up..... cause moms comin :D
you too cia... if i go down you be comin.......

frig frig frig

now my keyboard is in the bhog of ma...........

relief

2008-08-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

comic relief i mean.... its another thing that i do... a lot of.... i like it and it become so me thats now a days it comes naturally..... wind , snow or rain.... i have one for every occasion ..... every time... i make em work would be vanity... but like i care..... i pull it off i say..... :P
i be besh besh these days..... content and focused .... which is good..... a lil of a lot a things can do that to you... its good to take pictures again..... its just chuggin the big mofo all over the place..... if you can do it... it well worth it...... damn lazy genes i got.... sigh what to do now
oo oo remember to breathe .... i almost forgot.... by far the best ice breaker..... almost shatters if i don say so me self

sometimes

2008-08-18T04:35:00.000-07:00

some days are better than others .. one thinks to dwell in the moment but time ...they say is like sand in your hand.... the more you try to clasp on to it... it still manages to squeeze through ... lil by lil.... me being me.... still look on the bright side...... if you get your hand wet enough ....the sand will stick... even if for a while.... but its a loop hole... its what i do... its what i am good at.... finding loop holes to make life a lil better..... but what to do when you don want to make life better..... when you don need to make it better... you know... bask in it
we always find something to blame..... and i don blame time.... i mean how can i... it was my time and i was glad.... "foundations i say"...... but glad.... what do you when you don have anyone or anything to blame...... i say circumstances are what butter^&% us.... as a karma-ist put it once if i correctly remember......

illusions are what we all are after...... some stay content just looking at them..... there are some who want to take a closer look and then the butter#$#'s who obsess about it....
i mean illusions can just stay that way for so long...... if and when you find the meaning .... and there never always is one .... you see you know you gets..... its a risk i say is worth taking.... but but..... its only the illusions i refer too....and then some more

in the bhog of ma!

lil things

2008-08-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

aye the lil things.... thats all i have to say
well on second thought..... the lil things and then some more :P

dreamer's dream as the heavy clouds pass by...... the rain soaks the air dries....the rain soaks again.....and one thought and no thinking ...none what so ever... as the clouds passed on by......life ij hard.....it is.... but its the lil things that makes it better....worthwhile ...the lil things and then some more

change man....change

2008-08-02T02:34:00.000-07:00

he had been up there before..... more times than he wished he could remember.... for a person who not only is as slothful as a slug but also as emotionless as the parliament's speaker ...it was quite a climb..... way form ground to the heights where he would sit and contemplate things he'd never do..... dream of things he'll never have.... he'd stare out into the world with dim lights... the chaos of traffic..... the distant quarrels of things forgotten....things of almost no value..... and feel normal...that was his escape... that was where he felt one with the world...... but that was then...
things passed by....some people zoomed by..... but he remained in his place.... thats what he was good at... thats what he had grown used to.... thats what was the story then.... then
life is strange that way..... you look back sometimes to see where you were..... and all you can see is this trail o someone who resembled you.... that is if you choose to look back...

but now....now
he'd lean against the wind, pretend that he was weightless, and in that moment he was happy...happy.... he'd lay his head onto the floor, the sky resembled a backlit canopy ith holes punched in it...she counted UFOs and he'd signal them with his lighter and in this moment he was happy...happy
he looked to his left.....and he kept looking... the world sublimated.... the stars suddenly grew brighter..... the sounds drowned out.... and he cud see.... just see..... there was this aura bright and yellow..... he stared at it..... thinking how and when... he sat there engulfed in the light...the warmth.... too scared to move....too scared too lose it.....lose the light he'd been waiting for so long..... he felt like a deranged man following a single firefly amongst a million....he knew it would be tough.... but he kept his eye on the one that mattered....... hoping to clasp it ...and keep it for as long as he can....

we miss landline..... please comment here to encourage (we-want-landline-hotline)

n.b. All proceeds go to charity. People one comment is all we as....flattery be key.....you are more than welcome to comment more.. after all without blog where will all people like up (ie lacking social life is too harsh a word....we be just lazy i suppose)
this be family ...we must look after our own

post arrival - pre departure and all the lil things in-between

2008-07-22T00:13:00.000-07:00

its been a month already...... i remember being shit scared about it at first..... but then who was i kidding i was a 24 year ol kid again..... me likes....although there were time when i was a lil class 3ish....totally worth it tho.... felt good awesome infact....and i got away with things....... :P
so so where was i ....... :P.... so so...... i told mom almost everything....she kinda took it pretty cool...( for all those insane people....i ain't a whack job/serial-killer/the rest....lil crazy tho....but only lil lil.)
and and i figured out khoks was prolly 15 but he'd be taught well..... i be good teacher .... :P.... i should/could/would write a book about it some day..... dad got his funk on.... and kicked my bee-hind... it was 1973 and he got his funk on ....what to do.... oo oo i think i am addicted on m'n'm ... soooo good em be..... you know the nutty ones...them i like the bestest ..... so many colors and you can never have enough.....i like chocolate..... a lot lot
and what else..... them be leaving soon..... house will kinda suck after that..... but hey... you gotta do what you gotta do...... emotions be best reserved for higher stuff..... and speaking of high... sigh :)

hi5 ye all

my 100th post

2008-07-04T01:50:00.000-07:00

sigh......
here goes....this is not something special as i thought it would be.... but i mean it could be i dunno yet....all i know is i wanted to write something...and this post shall go where ever it wants to go...

change is good.....change is scary .......change is required......ignorance is bliss...this i believe but only for so long.... so moral being ppl who have it in them change and the rest wait for it to happen.... and then there are some who avoid it..... can't blame em...... they say the grass is greener on the other side.... i refute.... can you see the other side?!?! cause if you can't..... only a moron will go to the other side.... one may say faith/hope ..... but belief only stays with for you so long.....
and its funny how we choose to look at certain things and offer differentials and then we turn away from the other things and act as if they never happened...... i value time.... time well spent is good enough in my books... the definition of that varies with ppl..... now the trouble comes when you try to decide what was time well spent and time wasted...... me being me don think time is wasted..... cause either you area an audience in a conversation hence increasing your knowledge base.....else you take part in it...in which case you engage your mind and make it process variables and compute stuff........ and then there is the rest..... resting is never a waste of time..... its just a means of gettin more time.... i have problems.....the whole world has problems.... and and wise ass piece o shit who claims they have none what so ever...and are content..... well i say cheers.... good for you.....and lemme know when you wake up.... i could give you some pointers. in a way i think i am blessed because i have seen a lotta shit go down..... good stuff bad stuff..... ok ok stuff..... but yeah almost everything..... almost...... but then sometimes this voice in my head taunts me..... too much information is bad.... its so so so so so so so bad.... the more you know.... the more the endings a story can have.... the more the routes one can take to get from one place to another....... the more you think! think.... i hate that word..... i do it too often for my own good..... once i was happy..... unnaturally so...... but happy....... then i thought about why.....and then again.....then some more.... and guess what..... happy went bye bye..... and back to old mundane self.... why theke i went to how......to when to why again....momentarily stopped at what the hell.....went back to how and got stuck on if..... when you want something one should really go and get it till stocks lasts that is...... but for those mellow-ed out conspiracy theorists... who keep wondering..... to need or not to need...... dumb asses!!!! but .. but but but... i stand by em..... as in... in some weird way there is come sense that lies with their beliefs ... like the saying its never a one way street. that i know is true. by the way.....my latest job is pooper scooper for d'ice...... maal ta khaye and haage..... what a life! shucks. and did i not mention the constant pampering..... some times i feel like running away from it all.... and i know i can... but i have too many responsibilitie`s.... things that a 30 year ol schmuck shud be doing which i have been doin since 22...... i was given the illusion of freedom...... and as usual i jumped at it.... but the excess baggage is just way way way too much... i feel bad even saying this but its true...... there are ppl who have this kinda things thrust on them for grave reasons..... my heart goes out to em... it is not easy not at all..... but i choose it.... what excuse do i have.....
this being my 100th post and all....... i also am shocked i lasted this long...... this being my 3rd attempt at a blog ...... but i am glad i stayed around.....

i have regained status quo :
i am a 24 year ol dude with a cat hand many hats..... and still have nothing to show for it

pangs

2008-06-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

i think i am happy..... only think tho.... the problem with this feeling is that it is generally very short-lived....its there one moment and gone the next.... without even leaving a scent of its existence. its strange how we always look out for our luck to run out when we are feeling lucky... .. i suppose its only normal or thats what i'll keep telling myself that till it comes to a point where i don have to worry anymore......
so whats new.... hmm i got another tattoo.... i tend to spend money pretty smoothly these days.... and before someone asks for a treat or anything else....... i wanna come forward and tell em that the liquid cash scenario has pretty much dried off.... i got work... maane serious work this time.... responsibility and all.. the whole deal. i must admit it feels nice to have work.... but ladh time ta considerably kome jaaye...... but hey you can't have everything rite..... my house is still a mess.... mom will be here in exactly two weeks....... i know.....eek!!!
i am thinking of adopting a kitty again.......pets make living alone a bit easier.....a bit... lil bit.... i have no idea for the name for him......
and i again ask for suggestions...... and i hope ppl can suggest anything but the names of our unborn children........

its a him!!! no pansy ass sissy names........

oo and this is my 99th post i think.......... so the next one will be the supar-dupar-bampar kaal boishakhi ishpecial............... i am quite amazed i lasted this long considering the lazy factor.
cheers......................

i have been partying a lot...... but then that was for two weeks only...vacation you see..... so here i introduce..... in black and white.......the one..... the only........ "lil clint" aka moo......

ze bird and her stallion blue
ze otter
ze perpetual PJ

"ze drunks"
also known as honu and yoda

ladh

2008-05-27T23:34:00.000-07:00

point wise then.....

went to the bayern munich game
ticket niye onek boo hoo i was doing......
i think half of the ppl in the stadium didn have a friggin ticket.......
the atmosphere would have put eden to shame....
the lights the pitch...... oo did i mention the tickets.... ie for the ppl who got em ...were 40 bucks
the crowd was the awesome!!!! full on bom kayora
the dude next to next to me lighted a joint ...... i was blown away :P
i know what to take with me next time to the salt lake stadium!
my camera....... bad bad people with bad minds
heard a never before heard story of moo doing the dirty in a field and pata's were involved
vivid yes..... but i shall need therapy to forget the rest
life has direction..... or i think it does.... either way is a start :)
the heat is killin me..... where is the rain......
mom's visit is a month away....... its time to be afraid....very afraid
i have started to think a lot again..... i hate whn i do that.....too many scenarios
i have started smilin to myself lately.......if in front o the mirror i get spooked... else isok :P
did i say moo was in town..... he's like the lil clown we got when we were kids.... naak e marle aawaj korto..... hit it and it comes back up again...... besh stress relief
i recently bought a dvd writer again.....and 100 dvd's..... so i have 470gb of memory to burn...... yay... finally i feel degree ta ke justice dichhi aami :P

so thats about it......

life now

2008-05-21T07:32:00.000-07:00

i have work so boo hoo....
finally some work eh.......even i am kinda feeling that "important" feeling
spent 7 hours in the water........ that was good...real good......and mainly due to the fact we weren't a bunch o guys....like last time(this is my second such visit).... :P... i must admit this was different and way way more fun..and different ....did i mention that already...
umm what else..... life kinda sucks....(not really that much tho) i just like saying that now and then to counter that frig of a jinx....... i have kinda developed a potty mouth...and just realized that i am saying kinda too many times........ the company i keep....... sheesh..... i have managed to piss dida off..... after 1 n'a half years............finally
she's at bhowanipur........ so yay
life is fast
am thinking of stuff i don generally.....i think its the weather... but isn't it always the weather
sigh

and to the ppl in cal :
get up of yer lazy bong butts and come to la dolche vita on sundays at 7... the mujik is good the booj is cheap..... lazy bums!!!

life

2008-05-18T05:02:00.000-07:00

the week

2008-05-04T00:42:00.000-07:00

its been hetic/fun/mad/loud/hot/mayhem
and well no sleep for a long long long long time...... i shall fill in the text later (as updating the post rather than a new post it the fad now :P) i shall pester you with peekchars....and then some more when i rid myself from the aches and pains.......
till then........hic.... cheers

taggered

2008-04-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER?
vantage point :(

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
re-reading all the MAD issues i can find

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
carrom...... hey its a board rite

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
MAD

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?
cheese melting, dark chocolate, coffee, shorshe-bata.....my house's smell...... very welcoming

6. FAVORITE SOUND?
me likes a lot of sound..... generally mood dependent.....kintu me likes latin(samba) beats.. the grunge the grind....... the works

7.WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:
helplessness

8.FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?
5 more minutes

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
i cook pretty fast.........but generally subway me likes a lot

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME:
well all i can tell you is what i won't name em....... pompa, maampi, pinty, sweety, nimai, pintu

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT.
"If i had a lot of money i would...go to brazil.......give it the best years of my life.... and come back to calcutta to sip tea....ooo and i want a pool"

12.DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
who me?! never........ever

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
ermm no..........

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?
me absolutely loves the storm......

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Indica

16. FAVORITE DRINK?
thums-up/ ice cold beer

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT,
"IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD... i dunno i hate time on my hands....

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
hell yes...... if i paid for it....... but then i am one o those weird ppl who'll give his right foot for broccoli

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
sigh.......more like if i had a lil bit more hair.....

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
in order:
calcutta, delhi, singapore, sydney, dusseldorf, klon, berlin, chicago, san fransisco, las vegas, LA, washington dc, rangpo, gangtok, yoksum.....dhus the curve is goin down

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
football

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:
shucks........ lotta ppl sent this..... lemme be diplomatic.... and say.... bhery nice ppl they are...

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
dhulo.......i think.... and a littal mouse

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
i suppose so......but if i were a cat i couldn't mind

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?
night-owl for sure

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
scrambled?!

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?
my place with the halu light on...... and well good times

28. FAVORITE PIE?
the ones you can splatter on peoples faces

29.FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Chocolate-chip (haagen daz)

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
i think i am the end node......... every one already did this tag

pricks and then some

2008-04-03T01:49:00.000-07:00

i am alone on this road to oblivion.... i meet people who seem to know what they are doing..... i see things that make me certain that they actually don't...... i have a few times crossed paths with similar beings of wisdom.......but like poles repel.......so we be off after some jibber jabber... society stinks.......it diminishes humanity..... that leaves me with one question..... where is the love.......
i have made it a point to thank everyone i come in contact with.....the bus(t){that was an original typo...shucks dreams never come true} conductor looks strangely back at me.....the rickshaw-wala seem perplexed....... but the smile i suppose keeps the whole thing real....... we are so worried about global warming..... i mean thats important yes... but i think we should change people first then nature....... .

abc's

2008-03-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

A----> abstract..........thats what the world is .......no?!
B----> bong.......... (both the translations......and aaro thakle o)
C----> chug.....rhymes with jug...... (best when jug's chugs)
D----> duuuuude/duuudette
E----> eeeeek
F----> fuckity fuck fuck fuck
G----> :)
H----> high-er
J----> join(t/ing/ts)
K----> karma............ fucked me sideways karma
L----> lust.....legs.....lump.....less.....lost......lame.....L-"fuckin"-O-L
M----> mojo
N----> night..... i love night
O----> omen/ oooooooooooo
P----> people(pests)(pain)(pigs)(pompous)
Q----> queer..............who where?!?!?
R----> RoY
S----> sex....lots of sex........and then some more
T----> tramp/ tenacious-D
U----> utopia
V----> vaga-bond
W----> wet
X----> (marks the spot)
Y----> what why.....like i am supposta know
Z----> zapped

........................... what more?!?!

inky

2008-03-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

see inky..pinky...ponkey
father had a donkey....
donkey died
father cried......
inky pinky ponkey

yay

2008-03-05T07:58:00.000-08:00

yay for my new template............
i quite like the pic..........i hope i get to make cards with this picture :P

february

2008-02-24T23:47:00.000-08:00

long time ago my teacher told me....
"point wise bete.....point wise..... ham teacher logo ke paas utna time hi kaha hai saare ans. parne ke liye.... point wise likho....taki hum chat se dekh paye.....aur pat se (kum)number de paaye"

so point wise it is :

dad's back......
he's taken the car back like it was his (it is his)
i took his blackBerry like it was mine (its his)
i got a cool camera bag in which i can carry nitro-glycerine on my back ....its so padded and secure and .....its just awesome
dad has this white goatee..... he's goin big B on our asses....... the pro is all attention to my wild facial hair experiments have officially been negated....
dida all of a sudden has been rejuvenated...... her eldest son is in da house!!!
dad forgot to bring the "main stash" of chocolates and my cool 2nd hand shoes
he got a shit load of chocolate cookies and candy cane......
this is the 3rd day i have been consecutively sucking on candy canes....
have promised ppl some of my stash..... sigh another dissapoinment
note to self : don't suck candy cane out on the strees....... ppl look spooked!
i got a sleeping bag (accommodates one sadly)
will be gettin a capmin bag pretty soon when mom comes in two months
need to buy a tent
my younger brother is as tall as me and bigger than me...
i just hope he is not a vengeance kind of a guy
i got cool cooking things...... spices/garnishes/sauces....oooo and peanut butter
i have switched my diet from whole sum rooti and bhaat to .......... sweet chocolaty melts in your hand edibles.....
i got new clothes.....yay
i got mi chief financial helper in town.....and i shall reap full benifits
dad got a carton o Marlboro's and two bottles o grade a scotch.....
i hope he is kind and giving....... and i mean towards me

this is all i can think of for right now.......i didn want to give everything away :P

walks...

2008-02-12T11:20:00.000-08:00

it was 2:30 at nite...... the walk from chingri hata to my place is not something i call a walk in the park..... its long...... but at that time of nite.....with that weather i had to walk...... salt lake some how has transformed the humans as well as the street dogs....... really friendly lot..... wind was cold.....no distractions ... a silence that you crave for..... and the six doggies i had walkin by my side....... i had an entourage of dogs and bitches....... the bitches seemed nicer i bust admit a lot like real life :P ...... i bet it was a sight to see if anyone was awake.....

the week was fun.......and boy has it been a long time coming.

f*%kin cold

2008-02-02T06:56:00.000-08:00

is it me or is global warming really makin its "presence" known........ calcutta feels wet....cold....windy...... what is up with that.... its making me bitter...... short tempered ...... givin me cold toes and fingers...... i drink coffee like an addict on coke...... 31st o jan i weathered the storm ... i was very undressed for the coldest calcutta day ever....... my trip to swabhumi on pilgrimage with cassini's division was loud......and well thats the only thing that helped with the dipping weather... here's my monochrome look at the proceedings..... damn was it a cold yet another good show!

an english summer in the city of joy

2008-01-24T10:32:00.000-08:00

......boy that sounds so......girly....some where.....gimme a sec while i turn the mujik on

ahh.... samba pa ti :Ottmar Liebert & Santana google it!

anNyways where was i...... yesh...... besh romantic song......puro anti to what i was gonna write about so i'll do this on the fly.....today by far calcutta has to be the bomb.... the weather is simply to die for....... the streets empty........cloudy sky chilly wind....... the night-sky besh haunting...... leaves on the trees chiming........erratic rain.....that smell of wet earth.....musky and deep.....you try to take deeper breaths.......somehow cleansing.......nice and snug in the good'ol n ragged denim.... a sweat shirt......with felt-lined outer pockets which allow your plams to sweat while the wind whistles past your ear......aah surreal......crap ....bad song on...... i will give thee (ladies and gents) the complete story....uneDited...as i change song i will shall indulge in something that sir bob marley used to refer to as ambrosia .....the gift of gods....
hmm......... it just seemed rite to blog today........

now that my bearings are straight...... i shall come back to what i think i was going to write.....
damn i forgot....

shucks....on the fly then

i had an idea once......lol "once"....sniggering alone i think is a sign for manic depression.....anywho i thought how cool and then how absolutely difficult it would be....if we.....(in a dramatic way....like that guy toasting to the next step in american pie I...corny as that may sound) ..... ye we fellow blogger's ...the one i know atleast and you know friends of friends start a book..... we each write a chapter......... besh lame idea kintu i am pointing in a direction.....now if ye all just help out with the route..... its just an idea..... i have many so no pressure ppl!
..........i just read all this back to myself.......... dang :P